Marry Me
by The Last Letter
Summary: AU. Jackson and April have been best friends since they were in middle school. In university, she met the love of her life, Matthew, and as the countdown to the wedding begins, Jackson wars with himself on whether or not to tell her the truth of his feelings or sit back and watch her say 'I do'.
1. Jackson

_She wants to get married, she wants it perfect_

 _She wants her grandaddy preaching the service_

April tucked her hair behind her ear, the red in her hair standing out brightly in the afternoon sun. She looked over at Jackson and he could have blushed that she caught him already looking at him.

"What are you thinking?" he asked quickly, trying to cover up his staring.

"Um, well," she mused, her pretty cheeks turning pink. "Libby thinks that she and Jared are going to get married."

"And, are they?" Jackson asked, weirded out to think that Libby was thinking of getting married. Libby wasn't even that much older than he and April.

"Probably not," April said. "Well, maybe. They love each other and they've been dating for two years. Why wouldn't they?"

Jackson shrugged. Maybe because Libby was barely into her twenties and it seemed so weird that he knew people that were thinking about getting married. "I don't know."

"I was thinking about weddings," April continued, her voice soft. "And, I'm so glad that I only have one older sister because what if I were Alice and I had _three_ older sisters? All the good wedding ideas would be gone!"

Jackson chuckled and shook his head at her. "You know Libby. She'll still think you stole all of her ideas."

"Yeah, probably. What do I know about weddings, anyway? I'm not going to get married for, like, ten years."

She'd be twenty-five and it was so hard to picture the two of them being that old. "I don't think I'll ever get married."

"What? Why?" April demanded, her brown eyes burrowing into his. "Don't you think it would be great?"

"Great like my parents or great like the rest of the divorce rate?"

She bumped her shoulder against his. "I'm sorry. I see why you'd think that. I just think that if you find someone you love and they love you back, why not just marry them? It's the best way to show that you love someone, right?"

Jackson tried not to make a noise in the back of throat and April rolled her eyes at him.

"Don't be a stick in the mud!" April exclaimed. "Imagine how beautiful a wedding could be!"

"Do you have the answer to question three?"

April sighed. "Okay, stick in the mud, I can take a hint. I just think that you shouldn't say never."

"Never will I ever."

April laughed again. "Fine, fine! All right, question three …"

She trailed off as she stared down at her chemistry notes, the early spring breeze rifling her hair. Jackson shifted on the hard bench, just staring at her instead, not listening to a word that she was saying about their homework. She had pretty red hair and Jackson would much rather sit in the park and watch her soft curls go in the breeze.

 _Yeah, she wants magnolias out in the country_

 _Not too many people, save her daddy some money_

"Don't you have sisters to do this with?"

April laughed at him and Jackson tried not to fall in love with her laugh. She was twenty-two, her leg crossed under her as they sat on his living room couch, her wedding planner on his coffee table. He glared down at it because it was _her_ wedding planner and not _their_ wedding planner but somehow, he was still sitting here, talking about flowers.

"They're driving me nuts!" April complained. "They think they get more of a say on my wedding than I get!"

"What about Matthew?" Jackson asked. Two years of them dating, and he still stuttered over the other man's name. It wasn't Matthew's fault. April was great and there was no reason why anyone wouldn't fall in love with her.

"He's busy," April said. "You know how it is, being a paramedic."

"You're writing exams and trying to plan a wedding!"

"I have _one_ exam left! And, it's fine, I studied. I'm fine! How are your exams?"

"Fine," Jackson said. He didn't really want to talk about university but he also didn't want to talk about her wedding.

"I think I want magnolias," April said. "Do you think it's not enough? But we're getting married in a barn, there's going to be fields and butterflies and … It's perfect, don't you think?"

"It's your wedding."

Jackson sat down next to her on the couch. April was getting married. Sometimes, he felt as though it hadn't properly sunk in yet, because sometimes, he would think those words, and he would feel as though he'd been punched in the stomach. She was getting married, to Matthew, who was religious and kind and understood her … but who couldn't possibly understand her in the way that Jackson did. He knew that it was true but he also knew that it was unfair to think it. He had met April when they were in middle school, when his mother decided that going to the best public school in the area was going to be a good dose of reality for his pampered ass. He had been the new kid – gawky, scrawny, too big of an ego. She had been all knees and braces, her hair a tangled mess. She'd been chewing on the end of her pencil when he took the empty seat next to her, which was right up front, in front of the teacher. She had just met Matthew in university. Matthew couldn't ever take those years from Jackson, but he and April were going to have something that Jackson couldn't ever take away from Matthew, and thinking about it drove him insane.

"Magnolias, Jackson, tell me more."

"You picked the magnolias! You tell me more about them!"

She laughed at him. "My mom thinks I should go with really bright colours, white dress and all but there so simple and pure. It's what I want and a wedding is supposed to be all about what we want, right?"

"I'm not getting married, you are."

"Right. Matthew wants me to have my flowers and he said I shouldn't let my mother run my life."

"That seems like good advice."

She threw her pen at him. "Come on, Jackson, be my best friend. What else are you here for?"

Jackson's heart stopped in his chest for the briefest moment and then he forced a smile onto his face. Best friend. If that was what she needed him to be, that was what he would be. He could admit to himself that he loved her enough, that he could give her that.

"I think magnolias are going to be perfect, April."

She beamed. "Thanks!"

 _Ooh, she got it all planned out_

 _Yeah, I can see it all right now_

Jackson tapped his fingers along the top of the white tablecloth, looking at the champagne flute in front of him. He didn't understand the point of rehearsal dinners. Didn't people already know how to get married? Jackson was bored. Weddings were boring. April's older sister, Libby, _had_ gotten married and he had been April's plus one. The only way that they had gotten through it was making fun of everything behind Libby's back and sneaking drinks. By the time the reception had ended, April had been the drunkest that he'd ever seen her, which was a very low bar, since she barely ever drank and Libby had a limited bar, since there were plenty of children running around.

He turned as he felt a hand along his shoulder. He knew, before he saw her face, that it was going to be April. There she was, a knee-length, soft green dress on, a champagne flute in her own hand.

"I can't believe it, Jackson, can you?"

No. Absolutely not. "What? Are you surprised an engagement led to a wedding?"

April just laughed at him and then leant in, like they were conspiring about something. "I'm getting married tomorrow."

Jackson leant back into her, their heads close together. He whispered, "I know."

"You want to do something bad?"

"You don't do anything bad."

"I know. And I'm going to be a wife and … I've never snuck out of my house before."

She had never had to. Her parents would always let her go because she was a good girl. Especially when Jackson was involved because he was from a nice, respectable family, and weren't they just such good friends? Even her family had never thought that they were doing anything or amounted anything more than friends.

"You want me to sneak you out of your house?"

"Please? I can't see Matthew the night before the wedding and I don't want to spend it alone or with my sisters. Please? I want to spend it with you."

Jackson couldn't tell her no. He had never been able to tell her no, even back when her sisters called her an ugly ducking and she was too skinny and too awkward to ever being considered pretty.

"All right. I'll be there. But I thought you'd want beauty sleep before your wedding."

"You know me. I can't sleep before big things. I'd have to knock myself out and that's going to be worse."

"Midnight?"

"Midnight," April agreed. "Just for an hour or two."

"Whatever you want. Tomorrow's your day."

She grinned brightly at him and then Matthew called her name and she spun around. Jackson watched her be encircled by his arms. They were a pretty, perfect couple, sickeningly sweet as he dipped her back, even though there was no music and no one was dancing, just because he could. Matthew had proposed to her with a flash dance. He had ambushed her when she was with her study group in the library. Well, Jackson thought of it as an ambush. April had delighted in the attention, calling it romantic.

He finally had to turn away from the happy couple, attempting sus out one of their school friends to take his attention away from April's big day. He found his mother's date, instead. Catherine had been close to April as they had grown up – Jackson assumed she had always wanted a daughter and April, though she never would have admitted it, liked not having to compete with her sisters for attention. She had invited a world-renowned plastic surgeon to be her date – some man named Mark Sloan. He was sipping from a metal flask that he wasn't good about hiding in his suit pocket. Jackson leant against the wall next to him.

"Do you just hate weddings that much?"

"I hate _love_ ," Mark corrected. "Why do you look like crap?"

Jackson stared forward at April, who was laughing at something Libby had said. She was so beautiful when she laughed. "I don't look like crap."

"Got a thing for the bride?"

" _What_? April? I –"

"Have absolutely no reason to lie to me." Mark shook the flask a little and Jackson could hear the liquid sloshing around. It had to be harder than the champagne that April and Matthew were serving exclusively. "I'll trade you a shot for the truth."

"I've been in love with her since we were fourteen. I never had the balls to tell her. He did. I'm her best friend, you know?"

Mark handed him the flask. Jackson made sure April wasn't watching when he took the drink. He tried not to gag on it and Mark just laughed at him.

"Isn't it a bitch, loving people that don't love you back?"

Jackson just stared at her for another moment and then he looked over at Mark. "So, what do you do?"

He laughed. "I don't know. I've never loved someone enough to say it. Not my style."

Jackson took another drink from the flask and Mark took it back.

"Hey, hey," he said. "What is it you want to hear? You want someone to tell you to stand up at that wedding and either ruin your life or get something great? Or do you want me to tell you to keep quiet and either ruin your life or keep something great?"

"You are not helpful at all."

"No, I'm just here to be pretty."

"Where is my mother?"

Mark shrugged. "I'm only here because no one says no to Catherine Avery. Do you think I'd be in Ohio if I didn't have a choice? _Ohio_. Me."

Jackson just nodded. April was posing with Matthew for pictures, their mothers handing them funny props from the box they had gotten. It was like watching a scene from a movie.

"He believes in God too," Jackson said. "Morals, faith, kids, future. Everything lines up for them."

"Then, you've made a decision."

"Was there ever a decision to make? I tell her something, and I end up hurting her. She loves him too or she wouldn't have said yes."

"Or are you trying to talk yourself into making that decision?"

"Imagine you had a son," Jackson said.

Mark promptly took a swig of the whiskey. "Nope. No kids. Not yet."

"Imagine. Imagine you had a son you loved and you were a good father. What would you tell him?"

"Where's your father?"

"Don't know," Jackson said quickly.

"Ask your mother."

"She'd swat my arm and demand to know what I was thinking. April's getting married and I had better respect her decision because he had the balls to say something and I didn't."

Mark thought carefully, staring over at the bride and groom. Then, he straightened up and faced Jackson. "All right, _son_."

"I'm listening."

"If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there." Mark broke into a wide grin. "How was that?"

"Kind of great. Actually, _really_ great."

"See, Mark Sloan knows what he's doing."

Jackson wouldn't have gone that far but he let Mark have his moment. He looked back to April, who tucked a strand of her long hair behind her ear. Tonight, when he picked her up, maybe he should … Maybe Mark was right … Maybe he'd spend so long wishing that he had said something. Was that fair to him? Was that fair to _her_? Did she deserve to know?

"Flask's here all night."

"Won't it run out eventually?"

"A man never travels without backup."

Mark opened the side of his jacket, revealing an inside pocket that was clearly holding another flask. He slapped the one they had been sipping out of into Jackson's palm. It felt half-full at least.

"Here. You keep it. Something to think about."

Jackson looked down at the flask as Mark wandered off.

He had a lot to think about.

 _I'll wear my black suit, black tie, hide out in the back_

 _I'll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask_

 _I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees_

Jackson hadn't slept enough. Not by a long shot. April's hour or two of sneaking out had turned into four a.m. burgers and fries at the all night diner they had frequented as children. She'd been in old blue jeans and a soft plaid shirt, looking like the April he had always known, but she'd still had on the nice make-up from the reception and that definitely hadn't been the April he'd always known.

He looked at the clock. He had time. She was getting married at five in the afternoon, her reception carrying them through the sunset. He had just over an hour before he was due to be at the church with the rest of the guests and he was holding Mark Sloan's now empty flask in his hand, staring at his mother's expensive whiskey collection.

Jackson could admit to himself that the headache probably wasn't from the lack of sleep. Not entirely. It was from the fact that he had chickened out when he was looking at April, dipping her fries in her milkshake and talking about when final exam marks might come out, like she wasn't getting married in the morning. And he was telling her about how hard she had studied and how she wouldn't have to worry about exam marks because she was so smart, like he wasn't in love with her. After he had dropped her off and watched her climb back through the window that her mother left open, he had driven home and finished off Mark's flask before flopping in bed, having nightmares about her wedding.

Was it disrespectful to show up to her wedding with a flask?

He wasn't going to tell her. He wasn't going to get sloppy drunk. He wasn't going to ruin her wedding day. But he would need something to get himself through it without being a total ass.

He picked the top shelf whiskey. He might as well have one good thing today.

 _Yes, she wanna get married_

 _But she don't wanna marry me_

Jackson remembered clearly when he realized he was in love with April. He was sure the actual _falling_ in love was sweet and slow and gradual, since looking back, he couldn't remember not feeling it, but it had taken him so long to put what he was feeling together to make it make sense. They were fourteen and going into ninth grade and Jackson had just broken up with his very first girlfriend. If the title of girlfriend could be stretched so far to apply to Stephanie. He had met her when he was travelling with his mother. She had been a volunteer or something at St. Jude's hospital. He had met her, waiting for Catherine to get out of a meeting. They had spent the weekend talking and laughing and had written letters for the rest of summer, deciding that it would be more fun to get actual mail, but the letters had very quickly slowed, and Jackson hadn't been bothered by not hearing about her because April had come back from church camp.

She had come back from church camp with no braces and a tan and was out of Libby's hand-me-downs and Jackson might not have noticed if it weren't for the simple fact that everyone else they went to school with seemed to have noticed. People were looking at her –boys not quite brave enough yet to speak to her and girls who wondered who had taught April Kepner to put on mascara. April had been aware, if only vaguely, of her transformation, asking if Jackson thought the barely noticeable mascara looked ridiculous on her face and if she thought that her teeth were straight enough. Jackson had never seen April look in a mirror more than that first week of ninth grade.

And, then, April Kepner who grew up on a pig farm and had callouses on her palms from the hard work that she put in at home, showed up in the first dress Jackson had ever seen her in and though he didn't want to be one of those shallow boys who only looked at a girl's legs, the fact remained that April had really good legs. She had sat down next to him in the morning and he was looking at a blue patterned dress – still modestly long but that flirted with her thigh and showed off her shoulders. It was when she nervously asked him if he liked it that his heart had double thumped in his chest and he first thought about kissing her.

It was that night, when he was laying in bed and still thinking about kissing her that he thought that he loved her too. It had been a passing, drifting thought, but it had stuck with him ever since.

 _I remember the night when I almost kissed her_

 _Yeah, I kinda freaked out, we'd been friends for forever_

Their after-school pattern had been studying in the park after school and then going over to the diner near the park for milkshakes. April had to be home for night chores and for dinner. Jackson had ended up staying often. Catherine travelled and, even when she was home, though she was a good mother and he never felt neglected, dinner with her loud family and little sisters was better than his mother quizzing him and talking about her day at the hospital. That pattern had lasted them all the way through high school and, then, into university. They had both stayed local for it, though Catherine had kicked up a fuss and said he could get into any university that he wanted to and _what about your future, Jackson_? But Jackson had never felt sure enough to answer any sort of question about his future and so he convinced his mother that if he could go to any school now, he could go to any school later.

April hadn't been quite ready to leave Ohio. She was still doing her nightly chores but she had convinced her little sisters to take over for her for the night, since she and Jackson had midterms coming up. They drank coffee and ate pie and tried not to let all of the cue cards blur together. At two a.m., she put her head on the table and Jackson had to move her hair away to keep it from getting in the remains of whipped cream.

"Should we go home?"

"I don't know it yet!"

"Yes, you do!" Jackson insisted. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"We'll meet back here and study tomorrow," she said.

"You take school way too seriously." It was only their first year. She didn't have to be so serious.

"Can I tell you something?"

"What?"

"I've been talking to your mom –"

"April, about _what_?"

"I want to be a doctor."

"What?"

"I've always been thinking about it, you know, being able to help people and make a difference and I was sharing that with her. I think I'm going to do it. I'm going to go to med school."

"Wow. That's –"

"Why I have to take school so seriously," she said earnestly. "I want to do this but I want to make sure that I _can_ do this before I set myself up to fail."

"April, when was the last time you ever failed at something?"

"I don't want this to be the time I do." She blinked slowly and then sighed. "So, tomorrow morning?"

Jackson looked down at the mess across the table. Med school. April was ambitious enough to gun for med school all on her own, the very place that he knew he was going to end up. He didn't hate the thought of being a doctor and he thought that he could make a really good doctor, but he wished that he had the opportunity that April did: to make the decision all on his own.

"Tell you what, let's go back to my place. You can spend the night and then, as soon as you're up, you can wake me up and we'll get started again."

"We're still coming back here for breakfast."

"Yeah but this way you can quiz me in the car."

April smiled at him. "I love you, you know."

"I know."

April was free with saying 'I love you'. She said it to people she cared about, the animals she fed on a daily basis and the animals she fed on the streets. She was a bleeding heart with a soul of gold. She'd be a good doctor; she was a good friend. And he couldn't be happy with the fact that she was here for him at all because every time she said 'I love you' with that look of friendship in her big brown eyes, Jackson was still waiting for it to be something else.

He paid the bill while April gathered up their binders, packing away the papers but leaving the cue cards on top.

"I didn't say you could quiz me _tonight_ ," he groaned.

"Oh, come on, it'll let me know where we have to start in the morning."

"Excuses, excuses."

Jackson held the car door open for her.

"Define Schwann cell," she said, taking her seat and looking up at him.

"No."

He shut the car door and though he couldn't actually hear her laughing at him, he could definitely feel the fact that she was laughing at him. She was still grinning brightly when he took his spot in the car.

"Is it because you don't know?" she teased.

"I know what they are."

"So, tell me."

She was leaning on the centre console, so close that he could feel her body heat. He leant in toward her, their faces so close together that if Jackson just moved a fraction of an inch, he could kiss her. April had never kissed someone and he was wondering if she was hoping that her first kiss would be him. They were so close and Jackson moved a little bit, watching her eyes. Her eyelashes fluttered and then they shot open.

"So, tell me," she repeated, and Jackson's heart lodged in his throat.

"A glial cell. Wraps around the nerve fiber in the peripheral nervous system."

"And?" she prompted.

They were still close. He could smell the coffee they'd been drinking all night. He could be suave, he could say _'and I'd like to kiss you_ '. Instead, he chickened out, and gave up his chance. "and forms the myelin sheaths of the peripheral axons."

April didn't say anything. She didn't move either.

"Was I right?"

"Yeah." She sat back and the moment was completely broken. "You're too smart for me, Jackson. I wish I had your brain."

"Please. You and your studying is the only reason I know anything."

He started the car and their bantering went back to what it normally was.

And he just let it.

 _And I always wondered if she felt the same way_

 _When I got the invite, I knew it was too late_

Jackson hid the flask in his jacket pocket, knowing that Catherine would have his head on a platter if she knew. He could let his mother suspect whatever it was that she wanted but he couldn't let her know anything for sure.

"Jackson?" Catherine called. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"No, almost!"

Well, that was a lie if Jackson had ever heard one. Catherine was beautiful and she wanted everyone to know it, though, objectively, Jackson could admit that it was a hard thing to miss. His mother wasn't out of place in her scrubs and wasn't afraid of getting her hands dirty when it came time to do it but when Catherine Avery left the house, she did so to make an impression, an April's wedding wasn't going to be an exception. Catherine loved April and would want to look her best for that very reason.

"Mother, you're beautiful. We can leave at any time."

"Flattery will get you nowhere!"

He rolled his eyes and walked toward his kitchen. He'd spent more than enough time being bored and staring into the refrigerator that it was where his feet took him. He didn't open it, just looked around at the glossy countertops and the sleek fridge. It was a monument to him: his child's drawings, report cards, and photographs. Anyone looking at it would be able to pinpoint the exact moment he and April had met, because, since that time, there was hardly a photograph that he was in alone. And, there, at the top, in the middle, was her wedding invitation.

Catherine thought Matthew was a good man. There wasn't a person alive who wouldn't agree. Matthew was … good. It was why it was so hard for Jackson to hate him because he couldn't come up with a reason why he should say that April should be with him instead. There were times he and April had gotten close, ways she had looked at him that Jackson knew he wasn't overthinking, and the fact that it had always been him and her. But it was like he kept telling himself and like he had told Mark Sloan last night. He had never had the courage to say something and she had found Matthew. A paramedic her mother had introduced her to at church, who liked the same boring things that she did, who was just good. He didn't have a temper or any kind of addiction. There wasn't even an argument they had that Jackson could point to and tell himself ' _aha! See, they're not compatible after all!'_.

It hurt because he knew that Matthew did love April too. It was so hard not to love April. And that was how he knew it would be so hard to let go of her. He hadn't thought that she and Matthew would last and so he hadn't tried to when she had first mentioned that they were going on a date. It was after their third date, when April had called him to say that they had their first kiss, that Jackson knew that something here was different. April had gone on a few, scattered first dates throughout university. Coffee with people in her study groups, mostly, and it had never gone far. He could only think of three people who had ever gotten a second date before they gently let each other down and went on their separate ways. She hadn't kissed anyone until then and he knew that it meant something to her.

Which meant Matthew meant something to her. And he was left to play supportive best friend. He thought that he had been strong enough to do it but the closer they got to the wedding, the more planning she was doing, and the more she talked about her dress, the less that he wanted it to happen. He had to let her go. He had to be that kind of friend. He couldn't be that person for her.

Maybe if he said it to himself enough then it would come true.

He finally heard Catherine's heels crossing the floor.

"Well, how do I look?" She spread out her arms and turned in a circle.

"You look great. You always look great, Mom."

Catherine grinned and patted his cheek. "I love you. You're such a good boy."

"Thanks."

"Do you have the wedding gifts?"

"Already in the car, Mom."

"Good. Good. Let's go!"

Jackson wished they didn't have to.

 _And I know, her daddy's been dreading this day_

 _Oh, but he don't know he ain't the only one giving her away_

 **"** _Mom!_ Alice won't get out of my way."

"Kimmie! Alice! You are too old to be acting this way!"

Jackson side-stepped April's younger sisters, calling out a greeting to Karen. April's mother turned and smiled happily, leaving a mixing bowl in Libby's capable hands so that she could hug Jackson.

"It's been forever since I've seen you!"

"It hasn't even been a month."

"I remember when I saw you every other day." She patted his chest. "April's out back with Joe."

"Thanks."

Jackson left through the back door, spotting April and her father, walking arm in arm in the distance. They were heading toward him and so he stuck his hands in his pockets and headed off at a steady pace, meeting them.

"Hey, how are you?" April asked, looking up at him.

"Good, great." He looked up from the ring on her finger. "Joe, how are you?"

"I'm great."

"April!" Kimmie screamed from the back door. "PHONE! MATTHEW!"

April perked up. "I'll meet you at the house."

She took off at a run, like she was a teenager with her first boyfriend, and Jackson and Joe fell into step with one another.

"Matthew," Joe said.

"You don't like him?" Jackson asked.

"No, I didn't say that. He's a good kid and Karen loves him and he loves the girls but … She's only twenty-two."

"I know."

"My girl's going to be a doctor," Joe said.

"She'll make it."

"I know. I think that she should get her degree before she marries that boy. If he loves her, he'll wait, but, what can I do? She's not a baby anymore and it was always hard to tell April what to do. She's always had such fire. You know that."

Jackson knew. It was easy to think that April could be pushed around. She was soft, sweet, and it was hard to convince her to look on the bad side of people. She had a spine of steel to match her unwavering faith.

"She'll be a doctor. She'll have that fire. April wouldn't let anyone take that from her."

"It's so quick too but it just sneaks up on you. Alice and Kimmie are starting to look at boys. It scares me. Libby was boy-crazy and I was so worried about April when she and you started spending all that time together."

Jackson and Joe slowed just feet from the house.

"I never had to worry about her when she was with you. You stayed kids together and that was a gift to her. She's still so innocent."

"Well, like you said, we're only twenty-two."

Jackson and Joe looked at each other for a minute and Joe went to open his mouth to say something else, but they were interrupted by April. Like Kimmie before her, she hung out the back door.

"Guys! Come on! Alice is going to eat everything!"

"I heard that!" yelled an indignant Alice from inside followed by Kimmie's devious snort of, "I think she meant for you too."

"Come on. Karen made steak. I know you love her marinade."

"I love of all of Karen's cooking."

Joe laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "You're a good kid. Come on." He dropped his voice, "You know Alice will bite into our shares."

Jackson followed Joe into the Kepners' warm dining room, taking his usual seat next to April. He looked down at the ring on her finger again as she handed him the potatoes. Three months from now, she'd be a married woman and this spot would belong to Matthew, the man who was really going to belong to this family.

The way Jackson always felt he had.

 _I'll wear my black suit, black tie, hide out in the back_

 _I'll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask_

 _I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees_

April's wedding venue looked exactly like she had described it as being. Beautiful, rustic, the sun shining down just like it should be. Jackson carried the wedding gift that Catherine had carefully picked out and placed it on the edge of the table. On top of it, he placed the small bag that was his gift to April. Cheesy though it might have been, he had collected all of the school notes that they had spent hours passing back and forth. He had made sure that he ended up with most of them and he had spent the week leading up to the wedding collecting them. He knew that April would think it cute and sweet. He knew how she would hug him later, thanking him and laughing about the silly things that had consumed him back then. She'd want to sit down and read them with him.

His whiskey haze early this morning had almost written down a confession note to her, putting it right on top and then handing it to her before she could say her vows. It was a thought that had sat heavily on his mind and if Jackson was a lesser person or if he wasn't so honestly in love with her, he might have done it. But he knew that he would never forgive himself if he told her by ruining the real day of.

He moved by the gift table, into the spacious barn. Guests were haphazardly sitting in their rows, mostly bunched around and talking, waiting for the signal that they should take their seats. It was mostly family, a few scattered friends. Catherine was talking with Libby's husband and it wasn't hard to spot Mark Sloan, leaning against the wall of the barn. Jackson moved through the throng of Matthew's family to approach the older man.

"I didn't think you'd actually be here."

"You have to do what Catherine Avery says," Mark said. "She's a great woman, though. I wouldn't come to Ohio for someone who –"

"Wasn't an Avery?"

"Not that much of a scumbag," Mark insisted. "I was going to say who didn't demand so much respect from the people around her. She didn't think very highly of me when we met. I'm a plastic surgeon."

"Ah, yes.

"She doesn't think it's quite the same level."

"No, but Mom's on a very different level than most people."

"We had to team up on a case. She could do her thing, of course, but, uh, it wasn't going to look very pretty down there when she was done, if you know what I mean, and the man had a little more pride than that. She said I have steady hands."

"High praise."

"I like to think of us as friends. I don't know if she'd agree yet but I came all the way to Ohio for her so I have to be closing in on that, right?"

Jackson shrugged. "The only person who knows my mother's mind is my mother."

"True of all women," Mark said. "Speaking of women, how's yours?"  
"We're at her wedding."

"So, did she turn you down or did you not take my advice?"

"It wasn't right. If she loves him and she wants to marry him …"

"She's not married yet. If she loves you, if you love her …"

"You married?"

"No."

"I rest my case."

"All right but you were the one begging me for advice last night. _Imagine I'm your son."_

"I don't sound like that!" Jackson exclaimed, loud enough that a man turned to glare at him. "Also, I didn't say I was your son and it wasn't the right advice."

"Ah, so your … How old are you? Sixteen?"

"Twenty-two."

"Same difference in stupidity levels," Mark said dismissively. "Anywhere, was I?"

"You were telling me why I was stupid not to take your advice."

"Right. Your whole twenty-two years of experience means more than my well-lived years on this earth."

"You don't even look that old."

"I'm like a fine wine."

Jackson wasn't sure where he was going with that and he dropped the subject, grateful that Catherine was walking their way.

 _Yes, she wanna get married_

 _But she don't wanna marry me_

"Well, you two look like you're having a serious conversation. Room for one more?"

"Kid needed some manly advice."

"Oh?" Catherine's eyebrows nearly reached her hairline and Jackson wanted to elbow Mark and tell him to shut the hell up. "What kind of manly advice would that be?"

"Mark's telling me about being a plastic surgeon in case I'm interested in that route."

Catherine glanced at Mark who started to look sheepish.

"I think I hear someone calling my name. Do you hear that?"

"You don't know anybody here," Jackson pointed out.

"All the more reason why I should go investigate it," Mark said, and then he was gone before Jackson could grab him to use as a human shield.

"Sit with me, honey," Catherine said, taking one of the closest seats to them. Jackson had no choice but to take the chair next to her. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing. April. It's her wedding day."

He didn't like the way that Catherine was looking at him, like she was seeing everything that he had been trying not to say.

"Are you happy for her?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Don't deflect."

"I'm happy that she's happy."

"But?" Catherine prompted.

"I didn't say 'but'."

"No. I _heard_ 'but'. Jackson, I've watched you and April grow up. I think I've noticed more than you wanted me to."

"But I thought that, somehow, in the end, she'd be happy with me." Jackson couldn't quite look Catherine in the eye. "I missed my chance."

"Yes, you did."

"Mom!"

"Well, I'm not going to lie to you."

"I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just … I'm trying to get through today, that's all."

"Then what?"

"Then, I figure out how to really be happy for her. She's my best friend. She's still my best friend."

"Of course. She'll always be your best friend."

The longing in his heart overwhelmed. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"I am here, Jackson, if you ever need to talk about it."

"I know but I don't. I _can't_. I –"

He looked up as Libby walked into the barn, gesturing at he and Catherine.

"April's out front. She wants to see some people before Matthew arrives and people need to take their places."

"We're on our way," Catherine said warmly. When Libby went to collect some people loitering on Matthew's side, she turned back to Jackson. "Coming?"

"I need a second to breathe."

As soon as his mother was out of sight, he took a shot of the whiskey.

 _But she got on her dress now, welcoming the guests now_

 _I could try to find her, get it off of my chest now_

 _But I ain't gonna mess it up, so I wish her the best now_

He couldn't stay. The realization hit him as soon as the warmth of the whiskey did. He couldn't stay and watch her get married and face the realization yet that she was gone. Best friends or not, she was going to be a married woman and things were going to change. Matthew was going to take his place in so many aspects and gone were the days of spending hours together and falling asleep on top of one another because they were watching a movie. There wouldn't be anymore impromptu daytrips in his car or helping April with her chores because she was moving into the apartment that Matthew was renting until they decided where to buy a house.

He couldn't watch her say 'I do' and he wondered how long it was going to take her to forgive him for that. Maybe she wouldn't notice. It was her wedding day. She was going to have bigger things to think about than where in the audience he was sitting.

Jackson headed for the altar, glad to see a backdoor. He felt for the flask and then decided against another sip before sneaking out the back door. He looked around the side of the barn and caught sight of April, her red hair pinned back and her white wedding dress everything that she had ever dreamt it would be. She was so beautiful and she looked so happy, talking to Catherine and Mark while her mother checked the time on her phone. His stomach flipped and he took a step toward her.

 _If you love someone, you tell them._

No. He wasn't going to take this away from her. It was what he had told himself all along and he wasn't going to second guess himself at zero hour. He stepped back behind the barn, watching her for another minute as she looked over her shoulder, where Catherine was talking to Karen, and then she looked back at Mark, who was still standing in front of her. He clasped a hand on her shoulder and she looked down at her bouquet. April stood up a little straighter and turned and looked toward the entrance of the barn and that was when Jackson knew he had to go. He stuck his hands in his pockets and leapt over the fence boarding the property, taking the short walk toward the town centre. He took another shot along the way.

What did he have to lose now?

 _So I'm in my black suit, black tie, hiding out in the back_

 _Doing a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask_

 _I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees_

Jackson took a seat on the bench facing the diner they had frequented during high school. He looked down at his watch. The wedding march _might_ have started by now. It probably had. He looked up at the sun. It was a warm day and he knew he should be sweltering in his suit but all of him just felt empty and cold.

He closed his eyes and he could hear the notes of the music as clearly as if he were sitting in that barn. She was going to be on her father's arm with her bouquet of magnolias and she was getting everything she ever wanted. It was no less than she deserved and Jackson truly hoped that it _was_ the happiest day of her life. He picked at his pant leg and then, not having anything else to do, he reached into his pocket and pulled the flask out. He was finding that he didn't really enjoy the taste of whiskey but he liked the feeling that it left him with.

Had she and Joe made it down the aisle yet? Was her hand placed in Matthew's? Had the preacher started his vows?

Probably.

He wondered if he had made a mistake, leaving. If the sitting here and imagining what she was doing was truly worse than seeing it play out in real time. April got married and he was watching blades of grass sway in the wind, thinking about high school and trying to pinpoint the exact moment that he should have said something, let the feelings that he'd been carrying come pouring out and how he should have been her first kiss. It wasn't fair to think. It wasn't fair to assume that she would have liked him back but he honestly thought that, at least one point in their years of friendship, that she had liked him back and if he'd had courage at that moment, it would have been their happily ever after.

He unscrewed the top of the flask.

She'd probably said 'I do' by now.

He wondered how drunk he'd be by the end of the flask.

"JACKSON!"

 _Yes, she wanna get married_

 _Yes, she gonna get married_

 _But she ain't gonna marry me_

April?

"JACKSON!"

Jackson shot to his feet, turning slightly, and there she was. His heart stopped in his chest because she was running toward him, her shoes in one hand, the other holding up the billowing white skirts of her wedding dress.

"April?" he whispered.

"JACKSON!" she yelled again.

"April!"

He started running toward her too and was more than ready for when they met in the middle. His arms went tight around her waist and her picked her up into a hug. She smelt of soft, floral perfume and he buried his face in her neck, inhaling deeply.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, putting her down on her bare feet. "You're getting married."

"I know! I was!" Half-hysterical looking, April heaved for breath and gripped onto his forearms. "But I was standing there and I was facing Matthew but I was looking _for_ you. I read all those notes from high school. The wedding music started and I was reading notes from eleventh grade and then I was walking with my dad and everything was exactly how I had wanted it and it was _all_ I wanted except … Except, it wasn't because I was thinking of your mom's date."

"Mark Sloan? Why were you thinking of _Mark Sloan_?"

"He came to talk to me before the wedding when you didn't." She shook his arms. "Do you know what he said to me? I couldn't stop thinking about it and you know what, he was right?"

"What did he say?"  
"About how if you love someone, you say it and yell at and it doesn't matter how scared you are, you have to say it."

"Yeah, I think I've heard that somewhere before."

"It was supposed to be easy. A good man who loved me and God? Matthew's amazing! So, when I think: _who am I standing up to say I love_? The answer should be my fiancé, right? But it wasn't. It was you. I couldn't think of Matthew, I couldn't breathe. I wanted to love him so bad but it's not him."

"I love you," Jackson blurted before she could.

A slow smile spread over her face and she blinked, tears clinging to the ends of her lashes. "I was really hoping you were going to say that."

"Do you love me too?"

She had run away from her own wedding, all but confessed it without actually saying the words, but he needed to hear it. He wouldn't be able to make himself believe it if he didn't hear her say it.

"Jackson, I love you too."

He grabbed her up in his arms again and spun her around, her lips meeting his. Her hands slid through his short, curly hair and she laughed as he put her down, her lips still tingling.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm a runaway bride! _Me!"_ She looked half-hysterical and Jackson knew her well-enough to know what was coming.

He took both of her hands.

"What do we do now!?" she asked.

"Whatever we want to. You've got me, April."

Joy broke through her worry. "Whatever we want?"

"Whatever we want. What do you want to do?"

She thought for a second and then she kissed him again.

 _Whoa, but she ain't gonna marry me, no_

 **Unedited.**

 **The song is** _ **Marry Me**_ **by Thomas Rhett. I've been thinking of doing a companion from April's perspective. Let me know if anyone is interested.**

 **So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Marry Me, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash marry dash me. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.**

 **~TLL~**


	2. April

_I wanna get married, I want it perfect_

 _I want my grandaddy preaching the service_

April had grown up the type to be thinking about her future wedding. She had been surrounded by her sisters and her parents love, their wedding portrait hanging in a central spot in the house. She had spent long hours looking at her mother's gown – puffy, white, classic – and how happy both of her parents looked. She had wanted that. She had wanted the pretty spring day with the sun shining down. She had been imagining her wedding since she was old enough to realize what it had meant.

She had watched Libby learn about boys and had watched her classmates start to date. She had always been a little too shy to start reaching out to boys herself, even when she had spent days trying to find excuses to start peeking over her shoulder in seventh grade math class because there was a boy on the football team that she was starting to think was cute. She had never been the one to strike up a conversation and he had started dating someone out of their science class instead.

Dating had always made April nervous. She had worried about what boys would think about her faith, if they would think more of sex than of God, and what she would say if they didn't think about religion the way that she did. It was too much for her to think about and she just let her awkwardness stay in her way. She was sure that she'd find someone to love her, later, when they were both older.

She'd been fourteen when Jackson Avery started public school. The only empty seat in the room had been next to her and he hadn't looked like he wanted to be sitting so close to the front of the room but what option did he have? They talked when they were supposed to compare answers on their worksheets for the day and, when the lunch bell rang, he'd quietly asked if he could eat with her. It had been a nice day and they had sat on the benches out front. He'd bought a hamburger from the cafeteria while she ate the lunch that her mother had packed for her that morning. Since that first day, she hadn't thought about the boy on the football team. She and Jackson had become so close that Libby had started to taunt her about liking Jackson, which April had always denied. They were friends. He was honest with her. If he had a crush on her, she would know it. She was sure she would know it.

But she'd doodled _April Avery_ on the corner of her homework once or twice, just to see if she'd like the sound of it.

She had.

 _I want magnolias out in the country_

 _Not too many people, save my daddy some money_

April was sure that Matthew would want to get married in a church. Her mother wanted to see her get married in their church. It was a special place, a holy place. It was where Libby had gotten married and Libby's wedding had been beautiful. Yet, April had never just seen God when she was in church. She saw Him when she was looking out the window of her bedroom, seeing the green fields of home lit up with the sunset. She saw Him in the people that she met. She saw Him in all of the places that she looked. She knew she didn't have to get married in a church for God to be with her and she knew that God would be with her if she got married somewhere different.

There was a big barn on the very outskirts of town. The owners of the land were an elderly couple and April knew it had been rented out before – weddings, summer celebrations, youth groups. It was beautiful and it was where she had dreamt of getting married there from the moment that she laid eyes on it. She had still been nervous when she had driven Matthew out to the location. They were newly engaged and had only just started talking about wedding plans. It had been in terms of hypotheticals and careful, probing questions of: _do you like this or do you like that more_?

"So," April said, once the car was stopped outside. "What do you think?"

"You want to get married here?"

"It'll be simple, country, pretty …" April trailed off. "I don't want more than that."

Matthew turned and smiled at her. His smile was so sweet that it made her heart melt a little when he looked at her like that. "It's perfect."

"You really think? Want to take a look inside? You're going to love it!"

April led him to the doors, opening the big entryway, describing as she did so the simple decorations that she wanted out front and Matthew's family had a thing for butterflies, so what if they did something with those up front?

"We'll put all of the seating here and this will be the aisle," she said, taking the steps forward deliberately, as if the wedding march were already playing. She stopped and then turned. "This will be the altar. The priest will be here."

Matthew traced her footsteps and then stood in front of her. "So, you'll be there and I'll be here."

"And we'll say 'I do'."

Matthew took a deep breath and surveyed the barn while April searched his face. "I love it. I mean it. It's even better inside."

"We're going to get married here!"

Right here, in this exact spot, she was going to marry Matthew Taylor. And, though she wasn't sure why, her smile almost faltered.

 _Ooh, I got it all planned out_

 _Ooh, I can see it all right now_

One week from today was her wedding day. April stuck her pencil into her hair and flipped through her planner again, feeling like she had missed something. Her stomach felt absolutely empty. She had been counting down days on her desk calendar. She had been excited and delirious, going in to visit her wedding dress where it was living in Libby's old bedroom. She was getting married! Matthew was the love of her life. So, why was she so cold?

"April? April, you home?"

"Upstairs!"

She heard the thud of footsteps and then Jackson was leaning on her bedroom doorway.

"Put that thing away."

"I just need to make sure everything's perfect. What if I missed something?"

Jackson leant over her bed and closed her planner. "It's perfect. Know how I know?"

"How?"

"Because it's not my wedding and, yet, somehow, I'm sick of seeing this thing. You're golden. Stop stressing."

"Okay, but, what if –"

"April."

"Just let me finishing going through it!"

"No."

"Jackson!"

"April!"

Jackson had beautiful eyes. Anyone who looked at him loved how striking they were. Green and a little blue, somehow, too and the way he smiled at her made her knees weak. Jackson was a handsome man; he had the effect on most people who dared to glance at him. Throughout their years of friendship, April had never become immune to the Avery charm but April thought that it really came from Catherine. No one could grab a room's attention like she could.

"Give me my planner back."

Jackson straightened up and dangled it above his head. "No."

April jumped up on her bed. Jackson just stood up on his toes, leaning away from her. He laughed at her as she grabbed for it, managing to keep it just out of her reach. She half-climbed him, her fingertips brushing the spine of it.

"What if you lose something?"

"Come on, April, trust me a little more than that!"

She lunged for it one final time, crashing her body against his and getting the book back in her hand. She almost toppled backward and Jackson's arm wrapped strong around her to keep her steady.

"I always get my way, Jackson."

"Because I let you."

April shook her head. "Stop coddling your ego and admit I'm right."

"Never," Jackson said.

"Jackson!"

She wasn't expecting him to grab the planner back out of his hands but that was what he did. He took it from her, popped it into the top drawer of her dresser, and then turned to face her, guarding the planner. She crossed her arms over her chest and gave an indignant little stomp of her foot, more for show than anything else, and her bed bounced slightly under her.

"Forget about the planner. Let's go get milkshakes."

"You can't distract me with chocolate."

"And French fries."

April set her jaw for a moment.

"I _know_ you can be distracted with chocolate and French fries."

"Yeah," she said, giving in and smiling at him. "Okay, let's go."

"Race you to the car."

"Not fair! You've got your shoes on!" April shouted, but she leapt from the bed and was already sliding on her sock feet across the hardwood floor of her upstairs hallway.

"That's cheating!"

"No way!" April yelled, and they could have been sixteen again, Jackson teasing her as they ran out to the car that his mother had bought him for his birthday – one that had sat in the driveway and taunted him until he passed his road test.

She grabbed her shoes as she bolted out the front door. She had just latched onto the door handle when the locks on the car went down and she turned to face Jackson, incredulous.

" _That's_ cheating. Besides, I'm already touching the car. I won."

"What are you, ten?"

"You started it."

Jackson was shaking his head at her and then he unlocked the car for her. Feeling smug over her victory, April took her seat on the passenger side.

"Means you're buying."

Jackson laughed at her for that too. "Consider it your wedding present."

April pulled both feet onto the seat with her, leaving her shoes on the floorboards. "Pretty sure that a wedding present is supposed to be for the bride _and_ groom."

"Yeah, well, I like you better. Sue me," Jackson said, starting the car and heading for the road.

"You have to like me best. I'm your _best_ friend."

"Always."

April watched the trees go by for a second and then she blurted, "Last chance to bring a plus one to the wedding."

She didn't know why she said it when she did or why her stomach started twisting again. It was too late, really, to add another person to the wedding.

"Mom's my date. I told you: there's no one I want to bring and you wanted to keep your wedding small, anyway."

"Yeah, but it's you. If you wanted something then … You know I'd do it."

Jackson didn't look over at her, even though she was staring at him.

"Mom's my date."

"Okay," April said, giving up on the conversation, feeling relieved when she did. "You know she's going to be a high maintenance date."

"I know. I can hold my own."

"You _are_ pretty high maintenance," April mused and she just laughed when Jackson had the nerve to look offended.

"Take it back!"

"Nope!"

She relaxed as she and Jackson squabbled, feeling a million times lighter than she had sitting in her bedroom, staring at her wedding planner. Sometimes, a girl just needed her best friend.

 _He'll have his black suit, black tie hiding out in the back_

 _I'll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask_

 _I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees_

Nervous.

April was nervous. And exhausted. And ready to put her head through a wall just to stop hearing her mother and her sisters talk. It was one of those days where, though April loved them, she would rather love them from a distance. Today, though, there would be no distance from her family. Today, was her wedding day and that was all about family. It was about her family and Matthew's family becoming one family. It was about she and Matthew at the beginning of their own little family. It was everything to make her smile. Except, she was sitting in the bedroom in her family's home that wouldn't be _hers_ for much longer with a frown on her face.

There was a knock at the door and April nearly shrieked aloud. She had _just_ gotten her one moment alone after hours of being in hair and make-up. She had just wanted _one_ moment alone before her wedding so that she could sit and reflect. But she kept her shriek internalized.

"Come in."

Libby pushed the door open. "Mom thought you might want a cup of tea. She said to make sure you pee it all out before you put on your dress, though."

Sure that was _exactly_ what her mother had said, April thanked Libby for the cup and took it from her hands, sipping at the steaming water.

"How are you?" Libby asked.

"I'm great! Why?" April sounded a little suspicious to her own ears but that only served to wind her up further. Why would she be suspicious?

"You look exhausted and you seem on edge. Are you hungover or something?"

"No, of course not!"

"Did you sneak out with Matthew?"

April knew the way that Libby was looking at her. It was the way that girls in the locker room looked at her in high school after asking her about Jackson – the one where they were dismayed that April was a virgin, not the shared looks of satisfaction when they learnt that they _still_ weren't dating.

"No, I'm saving myself for my wedding night. You know that."

"I know you _said_ it but he's good-looking. No one would blame you for wanting to try him out before the big day."

"Don't talk about Matthew like he's a product," April complained. "I was just with Jackson. We went out for milkshakes last night, like we always do."

"What does Matthew think about that?"

"What do you mean?"

"His fiancée is out with another man the night before the wedding? You were out pretty late with how long the makeup artist had to take covering up those dark circles."

"Libby, I'm not property. Jackson's my best friend and Matthew knows that we're not anything more than that. It's not a huge deal."

"Dad always thought that Jackson was in love with you."

April gasped into her tea. "Why would you tell me that?"

"Because if _Dad_ can see it … The rest of us always thought that you two were something. Be aware of Matthew's feelings."

"Don't tell me about my relationship!" April snapped at her sister. "I'm marrying Matthew today! Jackson has always been my best friend and will always be my best friend. There's never been anything more than that and I'm sorry you're so close-minded as to think a man and a woman can't be friends or that a man would have to be so insecure about his relationship that if she spends time with said friend, his feelings need to be coddled."

"Don't get bent out of shape," Libby said coolly.

"Get out. Thanks for the tea."

"April –"

"It's my wedding day, Libby. Please, just leave."

Libby stood but the two sisters were still in a standstill for what felt like an eternity to April. She stared into Libby's eyes and thought that she was on the verge of sending her sister out the door when her mother called her name from the hall.

"Honey, are you done your tea? It's about time we start getting you into your dress!"

"I'm ready, Mom."

April pushed by Libby.

She was marrying Matthew today.

 _He's the one I wanna marry_

 _But he don't wanna marry me_

It had been a fall evening, a week before midterm season. April had been quick to organize a study group and they were in the library. April had been intending to stay there for a decent chunk of time but, Alyssa, a girl who had been in many of her classes and who had gone to Bible Camp with her during many childhood summers, had convinced April that they should take a break and all go get dinner at a place down the street.

They had just stepped out the door when April started hearing loud music. She had dismissed it. Campus had a habit of being loud and throwing parties, even though it was a Wednesday evening. It was only when Alyssa threw her hands over her head and Nicole joined in with her that Jackson grabbed her by the arm and made her stop. They were surrounded by dancing students, the loud song _500 Miles_ getting louder and louder. Then, Matthew was in the crowd of people and April had let out a shriek – even now, looking back, she didn't know if it was a cry of fear or excitement – because she knew.

She had burst into tears when he had got down on one knee and she had said 'yes'. It didn't matter that they were young. She knew that they were going to be happy. She knew that she loved him. She knew it was right.

Matthew had slid the ring on her finger and kissed her deeply, spinning her around. April had clung to him, smiling so widely she felt like her face was going to break, and she had looked over his shoulder, staring straight at Jackson. He had smiled at her and waved but she saw the surprise on his face. Whatever Matthew had planned, he hadn't let Jackson in on it. She had hidden her face back down against her fiancé's shoulder, holding onto him tightly.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear.

"I love you too," she whispered back.

 _I remember the night when he almost kissed me_

 _Yeah, he kinda freaked out, 'cause we had a long history_

"Are you so rich that you really never had to learn to make your own popcorn? What kind of a person are you?"

Jackson just rolled his eyes. "This isn't a rich kid thing! It's hard not to burn popcorn!"

April leant forward, curling her fingers around the edge of the counter that she was sitting on. "Do I look like I believe that?"

"You should believe me!"

April rolled her eyes and watched him fiddle with the popcorn maker a little bit more, swinging her leg idly. She looked down at herself and at her bare legs. She was wearing a dress today, something that she didn't normally do because it wasn't always practical and it wasn't always comfortable. She liked shorts and pants because she never had to worry about how she was sitting, how she bent over to pick something up, whether her backpack was riding the skirt up. But her mother had bought her a new dress and she had decided to wear it, to see how it went with the mascara she had stolen from Libby and hadn't given back yet. She thought she looked all right with it on, though Libby squinted at her across the dinner table, calling her ugly duck and telling her to leave make-up to the people who knew how to use it.

People had noticed the dress. The same people who had taken notice of her make-up. Jackson hadn't said a word about it and she had been hoping that he would. It was only his attention and his approval that April really cared much about when it came to her peers. The others tended to either tease her or ignore her. Not to say that Jackson didn't tease her but there was always a warmth to his words when he did. April never felt mocked. Even when he was laughing at her, April usually felt the urge to laugh along with him, because she felt that he liked her quirks, not just tolerated them.

"We'll just cover it in butter," April said, trying to save his popcorn after watching him fuss around with the bowl.

"Second batch will be better."

"We have this popcorn. We wouldn't be able to eat a second batch too."

"This stuff's burnt, you just said it."

"Waste not, want not."

"We're not pioneers, April. We can make another batch of popcorn."

"Still feels like a waste."

Jackson rolled his eyes at her but April still never felt the offense that she did when other people did the same thing. He leant on the counter next to her, so close that her toes were touching his knee and she could feel how warm his body was against her own. She should've been used to having Jackson close by now. They'd never worried much about personal space – never had a reason to. But she noticed this time.

"You worry about too much."

She looked up at him, his hand on the counter near hers and his shoulder nearly touching hers. He was leaning in toward her and April tilted her head to the side. She was trying to think of something to say but the only thing that she could think was: _he's going to kiss me_. The thing that struck her most was the certainty of it. She was so sure that he was going to kiss her that it felt like a great loss when he didn't.

"But, okay, if you want burnt popcorn to go with your rom-com, we'll have burnt popcorn to go with your rom-com."

Jackson pushed himself up off the counter to go and pick up the bowl and April couldn't believe it. She felt rejected, even though she hadn't asked to be kissed and there was no way to know if she had been right in thinking that he was going to do so. There had been nothing different in the way that Jackson had treated her today, nothing different in the way he stood, or the way he looked at her. That thought really was all in her head – real though it felt – and then April just had to wonder.

Why had she wanted Jackson to kiss her?

 _And I always wondered if he felt the same way_

 _But when I sent those invites, I knew it was too late_

Matthew had an apartment. He'd invited April to move in with him once they were engaged but she'd turned him down, saying that it wouldn't be proper. He'd been good-natured about it, as Matthew was about all things, and said that he would have felt bad if he hadn't asked and she had really wanted to. She was going to move in with him once they were married, since they still didn't know what they were going to do about the house.

That being said, April still spent a lot of time at Matthew's apartment. It had become the unofficial wedding headquarters, since he was the only one living there, and April could be sure that Alice and Kimmie wouldn't accidentally destroy something or that no one was going to misplace something. She had a key to his apartment and so she let herself in one day. Matthew was supposed to be off shift in a couple of hours. She was going to do some wedding things and surprise him with dinner.

She put her coat on the hook, her purse on a kitchen chair. She turned on some music and fetched the invitation list from where she had left it in a corner of the small living room. She and Matthew had spent most of yesterday doing the invitations – luckily, it was a small wedding and their hands wouldn't have lasting damage. She only had about seven more invitations to fill out today and then she just had to take them down to the mailbox.

She settled down at her place, steadfastly inking the envelopes and checking off the addresses as she finished. Jackson and Catherine were in the middle of the list and she paused after writing the first A in _Avery._ She was getting married, she was so close to getting married, and there was nothing that should be making her pause. But, all at once, she was reminded of being fifteen and writing _April Avery_ in the corner of her homework assignments, only to tear the corner off and shred it into tiny pieces so there would be no hint of anything, even though her mother would get annoyed if she left a paper trail along the kitchen tiles.

April lowered her pen to the table. Jackson was her best friend. She'd always thought of him as her best friend. There had been moments in their long friendship where she had thought, maybe, that she had a crush on him or that, maybe, he had a crush on her. She was always too awkward to say or do anything about it and she had always thought that it was all in her head. He was _Jackson_. Her parents trusted them to have sleepovers at the same age where Libby was all but forbidden to look at the opposite sex for longer than a second! He was Jackson. He had always been _her_ Jackson.

She had a Matthew now. For so long, Jackson had been her number one, her person. He was the calm in the middle of the storm, the light in the dark. When she'd had hard times, he had even gone to church with her, even though Jackson didn't believe in God. He would sit in the pew next to her and lower his head when she lowered hers. She had always wondered about what was going through his mind in those silent intervals but, just like he had never asked her what she had been thinking about, she had never asked him.

She sat in her fiancé's kitchen and thought about how Jackson Avery was her what-if. He was in front of her, April knew that she would always have him, but she would always wonder if all of the rumours that went around in high school – that they were dating, that they were having sex, that Virgin Kepner was going to make him marry her right out of high school – didn't have some grain of truth to them that she and Jackson were supposed to have a moment where they were something _more_. Maybe they had missed it, too comfortable in their friendship, maybe it was a mistake that she had met Matthew now and she and Jackson were supposed to fall apart along the way. April didn't know what to think but she knew that it was true. If she hadn't met Matthew, then there would be Jackson. But Jackson wasn't a back-up plan and Matthew wasn't second best.

She didn't want to sit here by herself. Not today. Not right now. She picked up the phone, knowing that he would always answer when it was her.

"Hey," Jackson said.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to say that I'm not on the couch in my boxers at three in the afternoon and you're going to believe me."

April giggled. "Jackson, you're a grown-up."

"In title only. It's a Saturday. Even grown-ups get to sit around in their underwear on Saturday if they want to."

"You want to do something?"

"Sure," Jackson agreed, just like she knew he would. "What were you thinking?"

"I don't know. It's just not a be-by-myself type of day. You know."

"Yeah, I get that. You at home? I'll come pick you up in half an hour."

"No, I'm at Matthew's finishing invitations. I should be done by the time you get here. Meet you outside?"

"I'll be there," Jackson promised, but April hadn't doubted it.

He was always there.

 _And ooh my daddy's been dreading this day_

 _Oh, but he don't know he ain't the only one giving me away_

April was visiting her wedding dress. She was almost scared to touch the soft white skirt or run her fingers along the little flowers that crested one shoulder. The sheer part of the fabric scared her because she knew how easy it would be to rip. She was worried about putting it on and hurting it, though she had tried it on more than enough times in the dress shop.

"I knew you'd be in here."

"Do you think I'm going to be pretty, Dad?"

"I _know_ you're going to be beautiful."

April just stared at her dress. All her life, it seemed like _pretty_ had been what she was striving for. She had figured out the proper doses of conditioner and learnt how to turn her hair into something pretty instead of stringy. She had evolved and collected more than Libby's mascara. She had gotten her braces off. She had even looked up old fashioned freckle remover cures because none of her sisters had freckles like she had freckles and they were definitely prettier than she was. For her wedding day, she just wanted to be pretty.

"Two more nights and then I get married."

Her father came up behind her, putting his arm around her. April leant into her father's hold, taking comfort from how strong and sure he felt against her.

"What do you think, Dad?"

"I think Matthew's a good man. I think that you and he will be happy."

"Be honest with me," April said, sensing something in his tone. "I thought you liked Matthew."

"I do like Matthew. You're young, though, that's all that I'm thinking."

"You and Mom were twenty-four when you got married. You're happy."

"I know, I know. I'm not saying that you're too young to know what you want or who you want. You've met a good man, April, and I know you have a good head on your shoulders. You love him?"

"I wouldn't have said 'yes' if I didn't. He loves me too."

"I know he does."

"Is there something on your mind?" April asked, sensing that there was something in his expression.

"No, no."

"Don't lie to me, Dad."

"I always thought that you and Jackson …" her father sighed. "Your mother never thought so but, well, it doesn't matter now. You're in love and I like Matthew. I'm excited for him to join this family."

April rested her head down against her father's shoulder, staring at the wedding dress. For the first time, she looked at her wedding dress and thought of Jackson.

 _He'll have his black suit, black tie, hiding out in the back_

 _I'll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask_

 _I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees_

April finished the last sip of her glass of champagne, putting it down on the table. The little hall where they held their rehearsal dinner was almost empty of the guests. She put her head down on Matthew's shoulder and he kissed her forward. April felt a warm little zip, the way that she always did with Matthew. It was none of the fire or the heart-racing that she had read about and seen in movies but April felt like this was more real. The slow, comfortable kind of love that she felt she could cocoon herself in and stay there.

"I can't wait to marry you," Matthew said.

She looked up at him. "Me either."

His hand rested on the small of her back and he pulled her in for a proper kiss. April let her hand drift down his chest.

"I have to get out of here," April said. "It's getting late."

"You're already beautiful, you don't need more beauty sleep."

"You're too sweet." April couldn't help but smile at him. "But, I can't see you after midnight. You can't see me on the wedding day before the wedding."

"I can't wait to see you in your dress."

"I can't wait to see you tomorrow, either."

"April, honey, are you ready to go?"

April looked over her shoulder and waved at her mother. "One minute!"

She kissed Matthew again.

"See you at the altar," he said, and her stomach felt electric.

"See you at the altar," she repeated, and then she was out the door with her mother.

She rested her head against the car window as they drove home while her mother chattered about how wonderful their friends and family were. She called Catherine's date cute and went on about the food and the sweet toast that Matthew's father had given.

"It was a really good night," April said. She rubbed her arm and smiled. She was happy.

The night was starting to get late and when they got inside, her mother herded Kimmie and Alice to their room and then came downstairs with April. She made them a cup of tea and she sat down next to her mother. They sipped in silence but it was nice that they were able to do that. Her sisters were so talkative and so was her mother, usually. Being able to have silence and just wind down after the day was like its own gift. When they were done, April took the cups, glancing at the clock. Jackson was supposed to pick her up in fifteen minutes.

"I'll wash these, Mom. You can go upstairs."

"Are you sure you don't want me to do it? You've got a big day tomorrow?"

"I know. That's why I want to. It's my last night of being the person I've always known before I find out who I am as a wife. I'm okay, Mom."

"You and Matthew are going to be very happy together. I'm glad that you find him."

April started filling the sink, a smile on her face. "You found him. You introduced us."

"Well, you were the same age and he was new to the area. I just thought that it would be nice. I didn't think that you would have this kind of connection but I'm glad that you have him."

"Me too," April said, dipping her hands into the water and beginning to scrub at the cups.

Her mother kissed her on the temple. "I'll see you in the morning, April. I love you."

"I love you too."

She listened to her mother go upstairs and then she quickly finished washing the cups. She crept up the stairs and changed out of the soft party dress that she'd been wearing for the evening and into a pair of her faded blue jeans and her soft, button-up shirt. She was comfortable. She took her sneakers in her hand and slid on her sock feet along the floors, the way she knew that her sisters did when they were trying to get out. She ducked out the window on the first floor that her mother liked to leave open in the spring and summer. She made her way down the driveway to the main road to where her parents wouldn't notice Jackson's headlights. He was already there – early, rather than just on time.

She climbed into the passenger seat – the place that had belonged to her from the moment that Jackson had gotten a car. He didn't start driving right away. Rather, he stayed stopped and looked at her until she started to fidget.

"What?"

"Just … Just crazy the way that things are changing, that's all," Jackson said, shaking his head. "It's hard to think about. We're not even officially graduated."

"Come on. We're sneaking out! Let's not get mopey!"

"I'm not mopey," Jackson said, almost defensively, and April just laughed at him. "What do you want to do? Where do you want to go?"

"Let's … Drive. And then get milkshakes."

"And fries," Jackson said. "I know you."

"I know you do."

Jackson started driving, leaving her house in the distance, and the knowledge that, this time tomorrow, nothing would be the same.

 _He's the one I wanna marry_

 _But he don't wanna marry me_

April had her wedding gown on. She couldn't stop staring at herself and watching the skirt swish as she moved. She was a bride. She was a real bride and she was leaving for her wedding in just a few moments. Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked over and over again. She knew that she was wearing waterproof make-up and she knew there was more than enough time to fix whatever she did to her face but she didn't want to ruin the way that she looked right now.

She felt beautiful.

She felt like a bride and she was about go to marry the love of her life. It was supposed to be the happiest day of her life and she felt happy. Mostly happy. They were happy tears.

She took a deep breath and left her room, hearing the click of her small heels as she went downstairs to get into her father's car. Her younger sisters and Libby were taking her mother's car while April travelled with her parents. She carefully lifted her skirts as she the short distance to where her father was waiting.

"You're beautiful, April."

For the first time, April felt like she knew and she was glowing under her parents' praise.

"Thank you."

"Matthew is going to lose his mind when he sees you!" her mother exclaimed. "Are you ready to go?"

April nodded. "My bouquet and my veil?"

"With Libby. Libby will take care of everything, you know how she is."

April did, in fact, know how all of them were. Her father held open the car door and she sat in the back, twisting her engagement ring around her finger. She was going to get married! Her heart thudded and twisted like mad in her chest. She could barely breathe the closer that they got to the barn. She could already see how many people had arrived and she really did lose all of her breath. Jackson and Catherine were here; she could clearly see their car. That gave her air back.

The car stopped outside of the venue and her father hurried around to help her out of the back of the car.

"Mom, how long until Matthew gets here? Or is he already here?"

"No, he won't be here for another fifteen minutes. You're running ahead of schedule, April."

"Libby," April called, "could you go find Jackson and Catherine? I want to talk to them."

She was sure that it was only her argument with Libby earlier that sent Libby off so easily. She anxiously turned to her bouquet and veil from her little sisters, her mother helping her adjust it. Catherine, too, when she arrived with her date in tow.

"I'm Mark," he said, reaching over to shake her hand. "Thank you for letting me attend."

"I'm happy to!" April said. "Sharing love with more people can only make it better, right?"

"There's our April," Catherine said happily, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and giving her a hug. "You'll never meet anyone more optimistic."

Mark leant in a little too close to April and she tried not to lean back. She felt like he was inspecting her for some reason and so she got as into his personal space as she was trying to get into hers. He broke out into a grin and she felt as though she had passed some test.

"Bet you're more than some little Snow White looking thing."

"Bet I am," she replied.

"So, where are you going with your marital bliss?"

"We're taking a honeymoon to Hawaii and then I'm going to med school," April said.

"Med school? Really?"

"Really."

Mark nodded. "Well, I'm a plastic surgeon based out of New York. If you need anything, you call me."

"Really?"

"Really, but you probably don't want to talk work on your wedding day."

April looked over to her parents, happily talking with Catherine, and then she looked back at Mark.

"I can be a doctor and a wife. There's no reason I can't talk about work on my wedding day."

"I really like you," Mark said. "I see why Jackson talked so highly of you."

April smiled but the mention of her best friend had her looking around again.

"Did you see him inside?"

"Yeah, he was there."

"Did he know I wanted him outside?"

"Give the kid a minute," Mark advised.

April nodded but she looked around for Jackson again.

 _I've got on my dress now, welcoming the guests now_

 _I could try to find him, get it off of my chest now_

"I've never been married," Mark said, keeping the conversation rolling between them.

"Me neither," April joked.

"Tell me, how did you know Matthew was the one that you should marry?"

"He's a good man –"

"So am I," Mark interrupted, "but there's no way that we should get married."

Admittedly, it made April smile and it eased some of the tension in her stomach.

"He believes in God. He believes in me. He's the first person to make me happy like this." She sized up Mark. "Why haven't you ever gotten married?"

"I've never loved anyone enough. Which, funnily enough, you didn't say."

"Well, _obviously_ I love him if it's our wedding day! I thought that went without saying."

"It reminds me of this piece of advice I heard once."

"Which is?" April asked.

"If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there."

"Wow," April murmured, reaching up to tuck one of her artfully loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"No one ever jumped into my head when I thought something like that, so, I've never gotten married. Who's in your head?"

April looked down at her flowers. It was Matthew. Of course, it had to be Matthew. He was her fiancé but then, a stronger, more heart-wrenching thought: where was Jackson? She straightened up and looked around again, trying to see into the dark mouth of the barn. She just wanted her best friend, not Mark, who she felt now was just trying to toy with her just to do so.

She just wanted Jackson.

 _But he won't wanna mess it up, so he'll wish me the best luck_

 _So I'm in my white shoes, white dress while he's in the back_

 _Taking a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask_

Jackson left her.

She had seen him jump over the back fence, running away from her wedding. Why would he do something like that?

"Honey, come on, into the church before Matthew gets spoilt."

April let her mother lead her into the barn, toward one of the tiny side rooms where she would wait until it was her cue.

"Mom, have you seen Jackson today?"

"No. Catherine said they drove together. I assume he's just sitting and waiting."

Right. Assumed. April knew who she had seen sneaking away. She would never mistake Jackson for anyone else. Her mother guided her around the corner and by the gifts table. The edge of her bouquet caught one small gift bag on the corner of the table.

"Oh, gosh! Are the flowers ruined?"

But April wasn't thinking about the flowers. She was wondering why someone would have gifted her a bag full of paper scraps. She carefully knelt down, not getting her dress dirty and picked up the bag and the few pieces of paper that had escaped. She turned it slightly to read the tag. _To April. Love, Jackson._

"Come on, before you ruin your dress."

Holding the bag and the bouquet close to her, April allowed herself to be sequestered.

"Dad will come get you when it's time, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Mom."

April kissed her mother's cheek, both of them making sure that they didn't smear one another's make-up, and then she was alone. She put the bag and her flowers down on a small table and started pulling out notes, wondering what Jackson had given her. She was only halfway through the top of the first sheet of paper before it hit her. Their old school notes! April had a penchant for having the last word in a conversation and so he had ended up with the papers by the end of class. She had always assumed that he had thrown them away – why would he have kept them? But he had kept them, all of those years of scribbling back and forth. Gossip about their classmates and teachers, complaints about cafeteria food, alternative lunch plans.

Her father knocked on the door.

"April, honey? Time to go."

She had one sheet of paper left, just a scrap, where they had been arguing about whether or not Jackson would pass his driver's test.

 _You're such a Debby-downer._

 _ **Who says Debby-downer anymore? Don't be such an old lady, April.**_

 __April could hear the wedding march. That was her cue. That was why her father was here. She looked down at the sheets of lined paper, ones that she swore still smelt of her high school.

"April?"

She put the papers back in the bag.

"Dad, make sure you get that after the wedding? I want to make sure nothing happens to it."

"Of course."

April picked up her bouquet. She was getting married now.

 _We'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees_

 _He's the one I wanna marry_

Her mother and Matthew's mother cried as she walked down the aisle. So did her father. When she was close enough, April saw that Matthew was tearing up too. It was the kind of reaction that every woman wanted from the man that they were going to marry. It was exactly what April had been thinking of when she had been picturing Matthew's face at this exact moment. She wanted to be crying with them; she always thought that she would be. Her heart, though, felt so inexplicably heavy.

"Who gives this woman?"

"I do."

Traditional, beautiful. Just what she wanted to feel when her father laid her hand in Matthew's. April spun to face her husband to be, handing her bouquet off to Libby, serving as her matron of honour. Matthew took both of her hands.

"You're beautiful."

"You're handsome," she answered, and her stomach did its squeamish little dance. It didn't feel like excited nerves.

"We are here today to celebrate love –" the priest began.

April stared into Matthew's eyes. Love. _If you love someone, you tell them._ She had told Matthew. _Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing_. Loving Matthew was the right thing. _Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems_. What problem would Matthew ever cause? _Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud, and you go from there_. That was when it hit April. Mark wasn't saying that people should fall for the wrong person and make love a risk; Mark was saying that people shouldn't fall for someone and make it right. April had fallen in love with someone safe. She couldn't deny that there was something between her and Matthew, but was it what she wanted to live her life feeling? She and Matthew matched so well. There would never be a problem.

Except that she was standing at the altar on her wedding day and all that she was thinking now was that Matthew wasn't Jackson. And the reason she hadn't seen it before was because she had been scared to. Losing Jackson would be akin to burning her life to the ground. She had been with him for so long that the thought of not having Jackson in her life the way that he was left her nearly shaking. But by marrying Matthew, she was losing Jackson. And Jackson was the person that brought the type of passion to her life that left her feeling more alive than anything else. If there was a person in her life that was worth saying it loud for, saying it loud to, causing the problems, burning the world she knew to the ground for, it was Jackson. It would always be Jackson.

"I do," Matthew said, and April felt something within her break.

She couldn't go through with this.

"April Kepner, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

April took one last look into Matthew's eyes and then she looked over the rapturous wedding crowd. There was Mark, there was Catherine, there was the empty seat beside Catherine. The only reason that Jackson would miss _her_ wedding would be if he _couldn't_ see her get married and that had to mean he loved her too.

Even if he didn't love her too, wouldn't it be worth knowing? Would that be worth losing Matthew over? She wished she had more time to think about it but she had to go with what was in her heart now. She just had to look within and _know_.

"April," Matthew whispered.

"April, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

April looked at Matthew. "No."

And then she started running.

 _Yeah, he's the one I wanna marry_

 _But he don't wanna marry me_

Someone shouted her name behind her but April didn't stop. She bolted down the aisle and out into the makeshift parking lot, not knowing who was coming after her. Her father was a trusting man, as everyone in town rightfully was, and he had left the keys hanging in the ignition, just as she knew he would. She gathered up her skirts and poured herself into the driver's seat, looking over at the church. There were people starting to emerge, coming after her, and she could see Matthew – just the outline of him. She looked away. He deserved an explanation but, now, she couldn't give it. She started the car and tore off.

Where would Jackson have gone?

Home, maybe, but would he have wanted to walk all the way there in his dress shoes? No, if she was right and he was thinking about her too, he would have gone somewhere that meant something to them. Her home was too far out of the way and he wouldn't have wanted to be confronted by her family on the way home. It was also why she didn't think that he would have gone to his house – Catherine would have to come home eventually and April knew how she would be asking questions. No, he had to be in the town somewhere … The diner! No, the park. No, they were right next to each other, it didn't matter which one. She knew where to go.

She kept checking in the rear-view mirror but, so far, no one that she knew was following her, yet. She was sure her mother was calling her phone like crazy, only to realize that it was still in the church. Her stomach hurt when she thought of all of the people that she had just left behind. All of the feelings that she had just hurt and everything that she was going to have to apologize for sooner rather than later. And, then, that all went out of her mind as she saw Jackson in the park, sitting on a bench. She couldn't drive all the way in and she haphazardly parked along the road, nearly tipping over in her heels as her feet hit the ground. She yanked off the heels and took off across the green grass.

Jackson was here and that was what mattered. That was what she had been searching for. He wasn't looking for her – why would he be, he thought that she was happy and why wouldn't he think that she was happy because _she_ had thought that she was happy. His name left her lips in a wild shout and she saw him perk up a little but not enough to turn around. She was almost there and she cried out again.

"JACKSON!"

This time, he jumped up from the bench and looked to face her. Her heart double thumped in her chest and she knew, then, just looking at him, that this was the right decision. He picked up running to meet her halfway and she hefted her dress to give her legs even more room. As soon as she was close enough, she jumped into his arms, feeling his arms surround her. She hid herself in his shoulder, feeling her body calm. Jackson was here. It was all going to be okay now that Jackson was here.

He lowered her down to her feet to ask, "What are you doing here? You're getting married."

But she wasn't getting married, was she? If she was here, she had made her decision. She felt woozy with running away and she grabbed onto his arms for support, trying to gather her brain and her breath to try and explain herself.

"I know! I was! But I was standing there and I was facing Matthew but I was looking _for_ you. I read all those notes from high school. The wedding music started and I was reading notes from eleventh grade and then I was walking with my dad and everything was exactly how I wanted it and it was _all_ I wanted except …" Of all of the places to stumble, this admission shouldn't have been it, but it was so strange to admit. "Except, it wasn't because I was thinking your mom's date."

"Mark Sloan? Why were you thinking of _Mark Sloan_?"

At least Jackson found it as weird as she did, though April hoped that there had been other people thinking of stranger things on their wedding day.

"He came to talk to me before the wedding when you didn't. Do you know what he said to me?" She couldn't help herself and she gave Jackson a shake. "I couldn't stop thinking about it and you know what, he was right!"

"What did he say?"

"About how if you love someone, you say it and yell it and it doesn't matter how scared you are, you have to say it."

There was nothing but softness in Jackson's bright eyes as he looked down at her. "Yeah, I think I've heard that somewhere before."

"It was supposed to be easy," April blurted, her mind replaying everything she had thought about while standing at the alter. "A good man who loved me and God? Matthew's amazing. So, when I think: _who am I standing up to say I love_? The answer should be my fiancé, right? But it wasn't. It was you. I couldn't think of Matthew, I couldn't breathe. I wanted to love him so bad but it's not him."

She had wanted it to be him. It would have been easy for it to have been him, but standing here now, April knew that marrying Matthew wouldn't have been the _right_ thing for her.

"I love you."

And then, all April could do was smile because he loved her too. She felt the tears coming again and she knew that she had never, and likely would never, cry tears of joy because anyone else loved her. Jackson loved her.

"I was really hoping you were going to say that."

"Do you love me too?"

Hadn't she always?

"Jackson, I love you too."

She was in his arms again, spinning through the air as their lips drew closer and closer. She threaded her hands through his short hair and held him close through their first kiss. Her first kiss with another man on her wedding day. She couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it as her feet touched ground again.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm a runaway bride! _Me!_ " She had run away from her own wedding. She who hadn't even snuck out of her house until the age of twenty-two. She was glad that Jackson gathered her hands up in his, giving her something to ground herself with and hold onto. "What do we do now!?"

"Whatever we want to. You've got me, April."

Never, not once, since meeting him had April ever doubted that Jackson Avery was hers and had her back but hearing it now brought her such a joy that her knees felt weak. "Whatever want to?"

"Whatever we want," Jackson confirmed. "What do you want to do?"

Everything. She wanted everything with him. She was filled with an all-consuming hunger to have the entire world with him. But for now, in this moment, all she wanted to do was kiss him.

And so she did.

 _No he don't wanna marry me_

 **Unedited.**

 **The song is** _ **Marry Me**_ **by Elle Mears (cover of Thomas Rhett).**

 **So, on tumblr I'm: we are all of legend now (with dashes between every word). If you want to find my replies to anon reviews, add backslash tagged backslash anon dash replies. If you want to see anything I post about Marry Me, go to my tumblr URL and add backslash tagged backslash marry dash me. Punctuation is spelled out due to Fanfiction's restrictions. If you're having any trouble accessing the tumblr content please send me a pm and I can format it for you in a different way.**

 **~TLL~**


	3. Highs & Lows

_We don't have a plan_

 _Just pack our bags and run as fast as we can_

Jackson threw open his front door and raced upstairs. He grabbed his sock drawer fund, his money, and threw clothes into a bag. Any clothes. He grabbed his keys and ran back downstairs. April stood in his kitchen staring down at the piece of paper in front of her. She twirled the pen she was holding so anxiously that it flew from her fingers and landed at his feet. Jackson picked it up and handed it back to her, standing behind her so that her body was pressed against his own, her hairspray coated updo tickling his nose.

"Jackson, what am I supposed to write?"

"Anything! Just quickly or they'll be here!"

April laughed, speaking as she wrote, " _Mom, Dad, Catherine_ … Oh, should I say 'Mom' or Catherine? This is a note from both of us, after all!"

"April, they'll know you wrote it. You've got such girly handwriting.'

"Hey!" April exclaimed but she laughed at him.

Jackson leant into her, wedding dress crinkling as he placed his chin on her shoulder, the smooth porcelain of her neck so tantalizing close that he could have traced a line with his tongue all the way up under her ear. And the beauty of it was that she'd _let_ him. She'd giggle her awkward giggle and maybe ask _why_ he did it – it wasn't as though she'd ever had sex and she definitely wouldn't understand what was so damn sexy about her neck and so he kept his tongue to himself, for now.

"I love your girly handwriting."

"You're making it hard to concentrate," April complained but she pressed into him for a brief moment before picking up the pen again.

" _We're sorry for the way we left things and we promise we'll be back soon. Know we're together and happy. We'll call when we're somewhere and safe. Love, April and Jackson."_ She put the pen down and turned her head to look at him, her doe eyes sweet and hopeful. "Are we really going to do this, Jackson?"

He gently pressed a kiss to her lips, his hand on the small of her back. "We're really doing this. Bags are packed. All we need to do is get in the car and go."

For a moment, Jackson wondered if she'd falter or run out on him, back to Matthew. For a moment, Jackson worried that April would see _him_ as the mistake. But he shouldn't have doubted her, not for one second. April had chosen him.

"Well, one more thing to do." She pulled her engagement ring from her finger and placed it on top of the letter with a gentle clink of finality. "Now, I'm all yours."

It was nice to see the same sort of nervousness present in April's eyes. They were sure about each other but unsure about what was going to happen next, where they were going to go, or how they would return to the questions that were sure to be waiting for them when they came back. But none of those questions mattered when April took his hand in her smaller one, holding onto him even as they picked up the bags and walked to the car. Jackson held the door open for her and then he packed the trunk.

Like he had more than a thousand times before, he sat in the driver's side with April in the passenger seat. He looked over at her and, for the first time, when he had the impulse to kiss her, he was able to follow it. She kissed him back, her hand resting against his cheek.

"Ready?" April asked.

"Ready!"

He felt like he'd been ready for this moment since he'd met her.

 _We hold the future in the palm of our hands_

 _I know you hear me but do you understand?_

"Where are we going?" April asked, her voice sounding high even to her own ears.

"I don't know!" Jackson exclaimed, but he sounded breathless with excitement while April was starting to feel the full weight of what she had done starting to settle in.

She had left her wedding!

That was when she started to hyperventilate.

"Jackson, pull over."

"What?"

"Pull over!"

The car smoothly stopped along the side of the rural road and April shoved her door open, leaving it hanging. Her feet hit the ground and she sucked the cooling air in. She had just run out on her wedding! And Matthew. He was a good man and she … She hadn't even looked back.

"April?"

She turned back to look at Jackson's face – his smooth brown skin and his sparking eyes, all topped off with his short black hair. All she could think of was how young he looked; how young they _were_. That thought shouldn't have her heart racing and palms sweating. She'd been so much younger when Matthew had proposed.

"April?" Jackson repeated.

"What did I just _do_? I ran away from my wedding! And, for what? What are we doing! Friends? Dating? I left a fiancé so we could date?" She'd left a fiancé because it wasn't fair to marry one man when she loved another but that didn't mean that she wasn't giving up something by leaving Matthew at the altar.

It was hands down the craziest thing that she'd ever done and April Kepner was _not_ a crazy girl. She relied on rules, was never late for chores, and took pride in being called a good-two-shoes, even though she knew it had never been meant as a compliment.

"This is more than friends, April," Jackson said, his voice so serious that April locked in place, feeling like a deer in headlights. "Yes, you ran away from your wedding but it's not for nothing. I love you and you love me and it's not about 'just' anything. I want you and I want the whole damn thing with you."

April clenched her hands into fists, holding onto the folds of her wedding dress for dear life. "The whole damn thing?"

"Yes!" Jackson exclaimed, taking a few stripes toward her, though he stopped when she remained frozen.

"What does that mean?"

"It means marry _me_ , April. I'm not a boyfriend or a fling or just a date. Be my wife because I would love to be your husband."

April bellowed a laugh; not because it was funny but because the whole situation was so absurd for a girl like her to be in.

"Marry you? Jackson, we've never been on a date."

"So?" He raised his eyebrows. "You've been my whole life since we've met. I know all of your nervous tics – and, trust me, there's a lot of them. I know that no matter where we fall asleep, you'd rather be on my side than yours. I know your dreams and your fears. I've seen you laugh and cry and I've been to church with you because you're my best friend. And I know that you're neurotic and an overthinker which is why you're breaking down now. You're not impulsive and you don't deal well with the unexpected. You're a freak but even the things I hate about you, I love. So, marry me, because you and I? We're forever."

April ran toward him and, just as she always knew he would, he caught her, holding her tightly to him.

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

He had on the big, goofy Jackson smile she loved.

"But, where are we going?" she asked, again. As he'd said, she and the unexpected did not go hand in hand.

"We can get to Seattle in, like, ten hours."

"Why do you know that?"

"Do you really want to get into that right now?"

April shook her head, her artfully placed wisps tickling her cheeks.

"No," she said. "Let's just go."

Jackson kissed her forehead and then they rushed for the car again.

 _Yeah we've been making a scene_

Jackson's phone wouldn't stop ringing. April watched it ring around in the cupholder. Jackson had wanted to just turn it off but April had wanted to feel guilty. She felt guilty for thinking that she was happier in the car with Jackson than she would have been on her wedding night with Matthew – it was fact and she knew that she didn't feel as bad about it as she should because she knew this was right. The way it had happened wasn't right but that was easy to forget because Jackson was holding her hand, stroking his thumb along the back of it. She could get lost in the bubble of them and the ringing phone kept her in reality.

"We're going to have to talk eventually."

"Yeah, probably," Jackson said. "But, tomorrow, when your parents have calmed down and my mother's head has completely exploded."

"Jackson!"

"Best solution, we just never talk to any of them again."

April groaned. "We have to. We ran off with just a note. We owe them the real knowledge that we're safe."

Jackson mused about it for a moment. "We'll call Joe and Karen. They won't be like my mother. And they're good parents."

April shrugged. "None of my sisters have ever done anything like this. I can't be sure what they'll do."

That was the biggest problem. It was hard for April to imagine her sweet, supportive parents ever being anything but, yet, she had a good feeling that her phone call to them wasn't going to be warm and fuzzy. Her parents had never been the type to car about others opinions but she and Jackson had just sent irreparable shock waves through their small town and had essentially spit in the faces of her and Matthew's loved ones. The time, effort, and money that had gone into the wedding had all gone to waste. She had just wasted Matthew's time and his love. She'd have to apologize to him too but it was hard to think about what to say when all she wanted to do was thinking about Jackson and their drive.

"They'll love you," Jackson said. "Hopefully, they'll try to understand."

 _April_ didn't understand, really. She knew it was right to leave her wedding but she didn't know where the strength to do it had come from.

Jackson let go of her hand and pulled his phone out of the cupholder.

"Go on, listen."

Apprehensively, April took the phone and dialled her voicemail.

(-.-)

"April Kepner! Where are you and Jackson? What were you thinking!?"

Karen's voice exploded over the phone.

"Leaving a wedding! _Your_ wedding! With no explanation! What were – I don't even know what to say to you! Call me back!"

"See" Jackson said. "She doesn't sound angry."

He glanced over at April, who had gone still. He waited for another bout of panic – it wouldn't be out of character for her.

"That was the _first_ message," April said. "It's probably going to get worse."

"You want worse? Wait until we get to Mom's message."

"What does she have to be mad about? You didn't do anything. I'm the one who ran away."

"I was going to," Jackson confessed. "I really was and that's why I left. I couldn't bring myself to ruin your happiness. I thought that I loved you too much to do that to you and take away what you wanted. That's why I left your wedding. I knew if I stayed and watched then I'd do something I was sure that both of us would regret it and I didn't want that. I couldn't stand the thought of losing you completely."

And, now, here they were, two hours away from Seattle, together and in love and they were getting married. Jackson had never felt so sure about anything in his entire life. His family, his career path, his purpose – he could figure all of that out later.

"You'd never lose me. You're my best friend, before anything else. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't there," April quietly added. "It's hard to imagine someone loving _me_ that much but I'm so glad you do because I love you that much."

Jackson just grinned, feeling goofy and giddy. He didn't care how he looked; he felt like he could fly.

"Would you like to play the next message?" the phone chirped.

Then, Catherine's voice exploded.

"I cannot _believe_ the two of you! Jackson Avery, how could you!" She ranted and raved as though Jackson had forced April to do it and they had pre-arranged the whole thing. "And then just completely running off! Where do you think you're going? Did you even think about worrying us? If you're not dead by the tie you get home, I might just kill you myself."

Jackson took the phone out of April's hand, hanging up the call to voicemail.

"Well, at least she still loves me enough to yell," Jackson said with a snort. "But, see, I told you she'd make your parents seem sane."

April chuckled. "All she has is you. She's always been like that."

Jackson grasped April's hand. "I don't want to think about them right now."

"Me either," April agreed, "but, I should look up a place for us to stay."

"We'll figure something out," Jackson said confidently.

Now that they had each other, everything had to fall into place.

 _I'll keep on singing while you shake tambourine_

 _Whether we're broke, whether we're living the dream_

 _I see you laughing but you know what I mean_

April looked around the little motel room and then she turned to look at Jackson.

"There's only one room left," he said apologetically, and April knew that he meant it. "But two beds."

"Two beds," April repeated. "Right."

It shouldn't have bothered her. She and Jackson had fallen asleep together before – couches, backseats, even an air mattress when they had gone camping with the Kepner family. It had never been anything other than innocent but they had kissed, they had said those words, and if April woke up tomorrow and realized that she hadn't hallucinated today, they were going to get married. It was different now.

"April, I'm not asking," Jackson said and April felt blessed that she didn't have to say anything and that he already knew. "I know how you feel about that and I won't ask, I'll just wait until you do."

"What if it's … not our wedding night?" April was quite sure that she knew what his answer would be but it was still worth the asking.

"Then it won't be our wedding night. Don't worry about it, April." Jackson kissed her forehead. "I'm yours."

No vow from any other man could have meant more than those words that Jackson had just said to her.

"I'm going to go get ready for bed."

April picked up her little bag and went to stand in the little motel bathroom. She caressed her wedding gown. She had imagined taking it off in a very different circumstance and with a different man. But, as she carefully slipped the dress that her mother had so carefully helped her into first thing this morning, April was happy. She put on the old pyjamas that she had left at Jackson's. They were a little too short around her ankles and wrists. They were big and plaid printed. It was nothing that Jackson hadn't seen her in before. Libby had bought her a lacey set of underwear, with lots of straps and bows, to wear on her wedding night. It was the type of thing that April supposed most brides wore but she had been nervous. Nervous about having everything out in the open and revealing herself to Matthew in that way.

Perhaps that had been another sign.

She was a little nervous about sex in general. What would it feel like? What if it was good for her and not for him? Or good for him and not for her? The whole subject made her bush because of her naivety and she worried about being able to talk to the man in her life as frankly about sex as she was able to talk about other things. Jackson wasn't like that but Matthew had been.

April opened the door from the bathroom and walked out confidently in her scruffy pyjamas. Jackson was flopped onto one of the beds and April went and curled up next to him. There were, as he had pointed out, two beds but she had slept next to him many times before and she had no reason to doubt that his intentions would ever be any less pure with her.

Jackson slid his arm around her and April breathed in the familiar scent of him.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too." Jackson kissed her, slow and soft enough that she felt as though she were melting. "I can't wait to marry you."

Tomorrow, she would be Mrs. April Avery, just as she had doodled on her school scribblers so long ago.

It was kind of perfect, in a way, and April wouldn't change it for anything.

 _I'm talking 'bout the highs_

 _I'm talking 'bout the lows_

Jackson had never fantasied about his own wedding. He had assumed that he would fall in love someday and _have_ one but hadn't thought of the finer details. It might have been stereotypical of him but he hadn't thought that he would be really involved in the planning part of it. He had assumed that there would be one and aside from the heart-wrenching part of watching April plan a wedding where he was not a groom, Jackson had also been relieved that he wouldn't have to go through the extensive process.

There was no process when he was marrying April.

They had woken up in bed that morning wrapped around one another, just as they had done before. But, this time, Jackson had gone to kiss her and April had run away from him, saying that she had to brush her teeth before they kissed. Jackson had almost pointed out that they were going to be married for a long time and that there would come a morning where she would kiss him before brushing her teeth.

But when they were both minty fresh, April snuggled into him, standing on her toes, and kissed him, the way that high school Jackson had dreamt that she would kiss him. If he could go back, he would have done it right away.

"I love you."

"I love you too," April breathed, her hand sliding down his chest, "but do you still want to marry me?"

"Yes."

"Then, let's do it," April said. "I can't bear to wait!"

Jackson couldn't either.

The one thing that he had never heard people talk about when it came to weddings was how excited the groom was. The morning was a flutter of looking for court houses in the Seattle area to marry them and then looking up close thrift stores so that April could get a dress for their wedding. She had one but she hated the thought of wearing a dress she had purchased for another man for _their_ wedding and Jackson agreed.

Which was how, forty-five minutes before their courthouse wedding, Jackson was standing in front of yet another dressing room while April sequestered herself with a rack of dresses.

"Should I wear white? Or is blue just as pretty? I read once that brides used to wear blue for their first wedding – or at least not white – but I don't remember where I read it so it might not be true."

"I thought brides weren't supposed to let the groom see them before the wedding."

April laughed. "We've done everything backwards! It's all been bad luck so far! Maybe if we do it all the wrong way then it'll balance out and we'll live happily ever after."

"We're going to live happily ever after," Jackson mused to himself. He stuck his hands deep in his pants pockets and looked out over the store. Other customers were doing their shopping, even looking at the dress rack that April had depleted, but could any of them be doing anything as important as buying a wedding dress?

"Is that in your vows?"

"Are we writing them? I thought you wanted traditional."

April peeked her head over the door of the change room.

"What about any of this is traditional? Being with you makes me flexible. At least, more than I usually am. It's why you've always been so good for me."

"Don't do all of your complimenting now," Jackson said, "or you won't know what to say at the altar."

"Then again, maybe we will go traditional," April said. "I have to keep you on your toes too."

"When have you not?"

"I snuck out of my house for the first time on my wedding night. I am probably the most predictable person _ever_." April laughed. "And I snuck out of my house with you. Which was probably another sign. I don't know how many of them I was going to ignore to marry the wrong person."

"It's partially my fault too," Jackson said. "I didn't tell you anything either. I ignored my own signs."

"Jackson, I think I found my dress."

Before Jackson could ask whether or not she really wanted him to see her, she had opened the door. She was in a knee-length white gown with short sleeves on it. It was nowhere near as elegant as the dress that she had worn yesterday. But, Jackson loved it a lot more. It was more like the April that he knew. Simple and beautiful, but more elegant, as she had only gotten with age. She looked like the young April Kepner that he had met on his first day of public school and like the woman that he had burgers and fries with the night before her wedding.

"You hate it," April said in response to his silence.

"No," Jackson said, "I'm speechless."

It was the way that grooms were supposed to be and it was the way that she struck him.

And before he knew it, he and April were standing in front of a minister. It was not her family minister and none of her family was there and so Jackson had asked for the traditional vows that he had caught her murmuring under her breath as she had pooled over her wedding planner. There were things that she had hoped for on her wedding day and things that he couldn't give her because of how they had run away. This was the least that he could offer.

"Through sickness and in health," April said brightly, the grin on her face making his heart pick up speed.

The ceremony was short. It was almost too short and before Jackson knew it, April's _I do's_ were long gone and his was next. Jackson wished that he could hold onto this moment forever, live in it, maybe. Whatever happiness was coming next – and he knew for a fact that he and April would be happy no matter what – could it matter more than this, the beginning of their life together? Except they had been together since they were fourteen years old and that first moment of kindness that she had shown him, letting him eat lunch with her when he admitted that he had no friends, had really been the beginning.

"I do," Jackson said.

"With the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Their first kiss as husband and wife. Jackson went to move slowly, savour the moment, but April leapt into her arms like she had yesterday when she had been darting across the park across from the diner.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They signed their wedding documents and then they were standing outside of the courthouse, under the bright sun. They were in a new city, had started their new life, and Jackson had no idea what to do next.

"Do you want to explore? Do you want to eat? Do you want to –"

" _I_ want to go back to the hotel room."

Jackson glanced at her, opened his mouth, but she anticipated his words and shook her head.

"I'm not saying that because I think that it's what a wife and a husband are supposed to do. I'm saying that I know it's two in the afternoon but it's our wedding night and I want to have a proper one." April slid her hand into Jackson's. "It'll be like … like the sleepover our parents thought we'd have when we were fifteen."

Jackson kissed her again. "If you're sure, April …"

"I am. I'm sure of you."

"Good, there's no backing out now."

April snorted a laugh and then they set off, back toward the hotel room.

 _I'm sticking by your side_

 _No way I'm letting go_

 _I'm talking 'bout forever, baby_

 _I'm giving you forever, baby, it's yours_

The first night that Jackson spent the night at April's house, it was by accident. They had been asking but Catherine had snorted and said that while she had never been a teenage boy, she definitely knew what they were like and there was no way that a sleepover would be happening under her roof. Joe and Karen had been considering it – there were more than enough people in the house that it would have been nearly impossible for the two of them to do anything unsavory and they were a lot more trusting than Catherine was. But, no plans had been made.

April knew better than to push her parents about such things and she definitely knew better than to annoy Catherine but she desperately wanted to know what a sleepover was like. Libby had hosted many and Kimmie and Alice were being invited to their fair share but April hadn't been invited to one since early elementary school, back when girls were encouraged to ask all the other girls in class so that no one felt left out. April had never been to or hosted a proper one. She had never had a proper friend before Jackson. Except the fact that she was a girl and he was a boy was kind of a sticking point for all of their parents, even though there wasn't anything going on between the two of them.

Jackson had dinner with April and her family, routinely, ever Friday. He was usually around for several other meals throughout the week but he was always there on Fridays. It was one of those Fridays that Catherine called him while she and Jackson were helping by setting the table. She had to fly out for a case – was going to be spending at least that night and into tomorrow in New York. It wasn't unusual but when Jackson was explaining that he'd be alone, Joe and Karen explained looks.

Libby had rolled her eyes. "They're about to go all protective parent on your ass."

"Don't say ass," Karen said idly but she didn't stop looking at Joe.

April knew what that look meant and even though Jackson was fifteen and could probably spend a night alone, Joe and Karen offered him a spot on their couch. It was not a school night and, so, Jackson and April quickly extracted promises of popcorn and movies from her parents and they extracted promises of silence from the two of them.

April was going to have her very first sleepover!

Sure, it wasn't the type of sleepover that girls at schools talked about: manicures and dressing up and a heap of girls commenting on Colin Firth's butt. April didn't care. Even though she had seen a ton of movies with Jackson and had spent hours on her couch with him but it all seemed different when it was happening at one in the morning while the rest of the world slept around them.

"Does it bother you?" April asked. "When your mom goes away like that?"

Jackson played with his end of the quilt that they were hiding under.

"No," he said. "Sometimes. She's my mother and it's not like I have a father. I guess I have to respect that she has to do stuff like take off for a weekend to take care of us. But, I'm glad I'm here instead of home alone. That house is too big when she's not there. Sometimes, when it is."

It was easier to say things this late at night, like the things wouldn't be real in the morning.

"I feel overcrowded here," April said. "Three sisters and two parents and me. But when I'm home sick and my sisters and mom are at school and my dad is in the barn and I'm sitting here all alone, I realize that I hate this house when it's quiet. I hate it. I want a bundle of kids so that the house is always noisy and when the kids have all moved out, there will still be grandkids. Just busy family."

"It does sound nice," Jackson agreed. "I don't like the quiet any more than you do. Also, what does a bundle of kids equal out to?"

Truthfully, April hadn't really thought of it. She and her sisters didn't seem like a whole bundle but five didn't seem like a proper number either.

"Six," she said confidently.

"You want to have _six_ kids?" Jackson said and laughed. "What are you going to do with them?"

"Love them, squish them, raise them like my parents raised me but … maybe not here."

"You'd leave Ohio?"

"I'd think about it. Sometimes, I think that Ohio is not the right place for me. That there's somewhere out there where I'll find my people."

Jackson pulled the blanket away from her, forcing her to chase after it over to his side of the couch.

"I'm your people."

April hid against him and grinned, relieved that he had said it. She had felt it but it was such a sweet thing to hear.

"You're my people too."

 _I'm talking 'bout the highs_

 _I'm talking 'bout the lows_

Jackson packed the duffel bag they had brought with them along with the few things that they had acquired in Seattle. April folded her old wedding dress and tucked it into the trunk of her car.

"It seemed wrong to throw it out," she'd said and it was the only thing that she said about it.

They had taken three perfect days in Seattle. They had spent their nights curled up together in one bed while during the days, they held hands and tried new restaurants and did all of the tourist things that people were supposed to do in a new city. But, this morning, April had turned Jackson's phone back on and the flood of messages had made her look at him.

"I know," Jackson said, "we have to go back."

April couldn't up and abandon her family like that and Jackson knew he couldn't hurt Catherine either.

"We did the right thing, didn't we?" April asked nervously once the car was rolling again and Jackson wondered if they would always be talking about it. But, maybe it was an unfair thought. He had never run out on a wedding. It was a big deal. And, just as he told April on the drive to Seattle, he knew her.

"Yes," Jackson said. "It would have been worse for us to feel this way and you to be married to someone else. We couldn't have been friends afterward, if you had married Matthew. I would have tried but … Could it have happened, really?"

He would have done his best but that was what had sent him running away from her wedding. The knowledge that everything she had once shared with him, she would share with Matthew first. Things couldn't be the same between them if she was married. Not to mention the fact that seeing her in a wedding ring that he didn't put on her finger probably would have killed him every time.

Jackson glanced over, watching the small diamond on her finger and then looked at the gold band on his own hand as it rested on the steering wheel. The rings that they had picked out together, for each other.

April reached over and took one of his hands, clinging onto it with both of hers.

"You're worth it," she said, sounding completely contented with no trace of the nerves that Jackson was worried were coming.

"Remember that when we see my mother."

"And my parents. I can't imagine we gained any favours by disappearing for three days."

"We'll find out in seven hours," Jackson said. But, he didn't really want to talk about what was waiting for them at home. "Where do you want to go on our real honeymoon?"

"What?"

"Well, if medical school doesn't kill both of us and we survive our residencies, and we finally have some time to breathe, I'll take you wherever you want to go. Hawaii? Greece? New Zealand? Where do you want to go?"

"Hawaii is cliched," April said, "and I burn too easily."

"So, nowhere with sun?"

"There should be sun," April protested immediately.

And they spent the rest of the drive building themselves the perfect honeymoon.

 _When we're gray and we're old_

 _And we run out of all the silver and gold_

 _Will you still wanna be my someone to hold?_

 _See, I'd tell you but you already know_

April groaned as soon as Jackson pulled into her driveway. Great. Libby was here. Her mother and father she might get to understand but Libby was too big-mouthed and stubborn.

"If you need to use me like a human shield, fee free. I can take it. I promise."

"What kind of wife would I be if I did that?"

"What kind of husband wouldn't do it anyway?"

In the darkness of the car, April leant over and kissed him, taking comfort from his very presence.

"All right. Let's go in before they come out."

And her sisters, she knew, would come rushing out. There was no way that they hadn't noticed their car in the driveway.

"Did you text your mother?" April asked. "She'll want to know we're back."

"I did. She hasn't answered which might be for the best."

Then, they got out of the car. April grabbed Jackson's hand and pulled him into her. The familiar sights and sounds and smells overwhelmed her and April took a second to breathe the craziness from the last few days out and just focus on the feel of home. It grounded her just as much as Jackson's hand did. She breathed out the craziness and let the reasons that she had done it wash over her again. It was for love. True, proper love.

For Jackson.

It was dinner time and as soon as April opened the front door to her house, the chairs scraped and Joe and Karen beat even Kimmie to the front door.

"You're home! Where have you _been_?" Karen exclaimed. "Are you all right?"

"We're fine, Mom, Dad, I promise. I …" April looked over at Jackson and smiled before focusing back on her parents. "We got married. We went to Seattle. We … I'm sorry for the way I ran out and the not calling but, please, understand, we made this decision –"

"You're insane!" Libby exclaimed. "He's been in front of you for how long and you _just_ decided that he was the one for you when you were about to marry someone else? That's cold feet, April! You should have married Matthew."

"Libby," Joe said but Libby wasn't done.

"How do you think this is going to end, huh? You only know him as a friend. Dating someone and being married to someone is different from being friends! This is going to implode and you hurt Matthew for nothing –"

"Libby!" Karen exclaimed while Alice and Kimmie stared slack-jawed, silent for once in their lives. The Kepner girls were not silent people. "Now is not the time and it's not your place! Take Alice and Kimmie back into the dining room and finish dinner!"

April was caught off-guard by her mother's outburst. Her parents were, generally, soft. They had backbones, they weren't people that someone could easily run over, but April could probably count on one hand the amount of times that she had heard either one of them raise their voices about _anything_.

Jackson squeezed her hand and she squeezed his back.

"Let's go out on the porch," Joe said, "try and get some privacy."

Once the front door had shut behind them, Jackson spoke.

"We are sorry. We know what an awkward position that you were put in."

"And Libby was wrong," April added quickly, as much for Jackson's benefit as her parents. "It wasn't cold feet. Matthew is a good man and I should have handled things better but it wouldn't have been better for me to marry him."

Joe and Karen looked at one another. That look that always made April think that they knew what was on one another's minds without even asking. She and Matthew had never traded thoughts like that but she and Jackson had been able to after knowing one another barely three months. She had cared for Matthew, loved him as Matthew, but she loved Jackson because he was an extension of her very soul.

"Are you happy?" Karen asked. "We need to know that before we know anything else."

Before Jackson or April could open their mouths, a car came roaring up the driveway.

Catherine had arrived.

 _I'm talking 'bout the highs_

 _I'm talking 'bout the lows_

The fact that his mother got out of her car, stalked onto the porch and then stood there with her arms crossed while not saying a thing unnerved Jackson more than if she had shouted. He was expecting shouting. He was expecting her anger and her questions. The fact that they weren't there unnerved him more than anything and she seemed to know that.

"We're happy," April said. "We're really happy. We know it's not ideal and we know we were crazy and I know it was wrong to run out the way that I did but once I was there, I knew that I had made the wrong decision."

"You were cowards," Catherine said.

April flinched but Jackson stood firm in front of his mother. "Maybe but we can't go back and change things. There are different choices that we could have made but April and I are husband and wife now. We love each other, we always have, and we should have said so sooner. We're sorry for the position we put you in but we're not sorry about being together."

"Pretty speech, honey, but what plans do the two of you have? Where are you going to be living? What are you going to do if you don't go to the same schools? You haven't thought anything through!"

"No, we haven't," Jackson agreed, "but we are in love, we're married, and you can call me naïve if you want to, Mom, but I want to know that we have your support while we figure this out."

It seemed like everyone was holding their breath. Even Joe and Karen did nothing but wait for Catherine's response.

"You have to make your own mistakes," Catherine said. "I just don't want to see you throw your life away for some girl."

"Excuse me," Joe started but Jackson beat him to the punch.

"Some girl? Mom, you've known April for years. You love April and now that she's my wife, she's just some girl?"

"I'm thinking of your future!"

"He is my future!" April cried. "We're each other's future. You're my mother-in-law, Catherine, and I've respected you and loved you for years. Please, don't let it be like this. You've raised Jackson and you did a good job. Trust us. Trust the good job that you did parenting Jackson and that my parents did parenting me."

Catherine crossed her arms. "I don't approve of this."

"Mom," Jackson murmured.

"We'll talk more about this later," Catherine said, "I can't even look at you right now."

Without a hug or another glance in his direction, Catherine was getting back in her car. Jackson hadn't expected her to roll out the welcome wagon, exactly, and throw them a wedding party, but he had been expecting more than that.

"I guess I'm not going home," Jackson said.

"Well, let's get you two inside," Karen said. "We'll eat something and you can take April's room."

They turned to go when Joe's voice paused them.

"Jackson, April, congratulations."

April burst into a grin and hugged her father tightly. Jackson wasn't surprised when Karen pulled him into the group embrace. They were his family – had felt so for years but now they were officially in-laws – but he couldn't help but miss the fact that his mother wasn't there.

 _I'm sticking by your side_

 _No way I'm letting go_

As he had done every morning for the last four days, Jackson sat up in bed and picked up his cell phone. April knew that he was checking from news from Catherine. And, this time, he perked up and April pushed herself up on her elbows.

"Did she text you?"

"Yes but just to tell me that she put the med school letters that arrived for me this morning in your parents' mailbox," Jackson said. "I don't know why she's so angry about this. It's not as though I did anything to her reputation and that's what she cares so much about."

"Don't let yourself get bitter," April said, sitting up behind her and running her hands over his shoulders. "You know what she thinks of change and of decisions that she didn't make – everything that you've said over the past couple of days."

Jackson leant into her touch and April kissed the top of his head. She was allowed to do this now! This thing that she hadn't even allowed herself to really daydream about because he was her best friend and that was all that she had allowed herself to believe they could be.

"If I have acceptances, you could too," Jackson said. "We should go check the mail."

April's stomach fluttered. They had applied to several of the same schools but not all of the same schools. What if they didn't end up going to the same place? It had always been a possibility and that was one that she had been prepared for when she thought that she was going to be separated from her best friend. How was she supposed to face being separated from her husband this early in a marriage?

"Even if I want to med school in Siberia and you went to med school in Ohio, we'd still be married. We can get our residencies in the same hospital."

"I just want to sleep next to you every night," April said. "I love that part."

She also loved that he knew what was on her mind. But it was still a slow morning of getting ready. There were also letters waiting when she went downstairs for breakfast. Her mother was making pancakes but the smell didn't entice her as it normally did. She picked up the school letters off the edge of the counter and she and Jackson went into the living room. It didn't escape April's notice that they only had two letters in common but she had a small one where he had a large one and vice versa.

She ripped into her letters with a fever, aware of her father standing in the doorway. Her father was so proud of her and she wanted this. She wanted to get into med school so badly that she could feel it hurt. With the opened letters around her and Jackson's around him, she could see the truth in his eyes.

"We're not going to the same place, are we?"

"I got in to NYU," Jackson said. "What about you?"

"Northwestern," she said. "I mean, it's not Siberia –"

"Which means there are planes and trains and cars." Jackson kissed her. "We got in, April! We're going! That's what matters!"

Giddy, April leapt over the back of the couch and hugged her father.

"Daddy, I'm going to med school!"

She had a husband; she was going to school for her dream career. Her whole future was falling into place and she couldn't believe that it was happening.

But she was so happy that it was.

 _I'm talking 'bout forever, baby_

 _I'm giving you forever, baby, it's yours_

 _I'm talking 'bout the highs_

 _I'm talking 'bout the lows_

Jackson sipped on his coffee and rested against the hood of his car, keeping an eye out for Catherine. The early August sun heated the world around him and he basked it in. Soon, he would be leaving Ohio for New York while April would be leaving Ohio for Chicago. As excited as he was for their starts in medical school, it was starting to weigh on him that they would be so far apart and even though he wanted to spend every moment until he departed with April, he also had to see his mother. Catherine was still not taking the marriage well and though they had tentatively spoken, she hadn't come to the small apartment that he and April had rented for the past few months and he'd largely ignored April's existence, which had brought tears to April's eyes and anger to Jackson's heart.

All of that being said, Jackson missed his mother.

She had raised him on her own and had always been his one confidant. He had always thought of her as wise, strong, and someone whose guidance he could count on. Now, he didn't know how to feel that her wisdom had failed, her strength had become stubbornness, and her guidance was gone.

He was college-educated and heading off to med school – _their_ dream for him. He wanted her support and he wanted to share that with her. Joe and Karen had always been good to him and he appreciated them more than ever these past few months but he still wanted his own mother as he moved on with his life.

"Good afternoon, Jackson."

"Hi, Mom. I got you a latte."

He handed over the cup and Catherine thanked him. They leant against his car, not saying anything. Jackson had many things he wanted to say but he forced himself to hold his tongue. Finally, Catherine sighed.

"Are you taking the car to New York?"

"Yes."

"I'm proud of you. You're going to do great things, as long as you keep from distractions."

"Distractions?" Jackson asked, sure he knew what she was talking about but wanting her to say it.

"Med school won't be like that ridiculous community college you followed her to." Catherine snorted. "You're lucky you got into a good school at _all._ I think it'll be good for you to be on your own and focus on your future."

"I didn't _follow_ April to college. I wasn't sure that I wanted to go to medical school. I didn't know what I wanted."

"Because you're young," Catherine said. "And making big decisions –"

"Like dedicating myself to another decade of school and residency? You can't tell me I'm adult enough to pick a career path but not adult enough to pick a wife!"

"Marriages don't work out even when you think you have all of the information."

The bitterness in her tone caught him off-guard. "Are you talking about my father?"

It had never been a secret that his father had left his mother and that no one had any idea where his father was today. It had never really bothered Jackson and he had never seen it bother his mother. She was still involved with his father's family, their medical foundation, and had never said a bad word about his father.

"No, but I have all the information I need. I know her. I know that I love April. I know that love doesn't equal success but it's a good start and I know that we're going to _try._ I'm old enough to know that's the important part."

"Will you just listen to me, Jackson?" Catherine asked. "I don't want to see you throw your future away."

"I've always listened to you, Mom, but why won't you listen to me? Together or apart, this is April and I building our life together. She _is_ my future."

Jackson pushed himself from the hood of his car and even though his mother called his name, he didn't stop. She followed him to the driver's side door and not once did she stop talking but it was just a constant flow of repetitions and Jackson was done listening. For now. He couldn't cut her out completely but he was starting his new life now; he couldn't wait for her to join him.

He picked April up from work with tears just starting to form in his eyes. She didn't ask him any questions; she just wrapped her arms around him and leant him her strength.

 _I'm certain that there's no other_

 _It's banging in my heart like thunder_

 _I know I was made to love you_

 _No way I'm letting go_

It was still dark when April's alarm went off. She pushed her hand down on it and shut her eyes tightly. She was leaving for Northwestern this morning with her parents; Jackson was heading out for NYU tomorrow morning. It was her last morning to wake up with her husband until they came home for Thanksgiving and she hadn't expected it to come so soon.

Jackson woke with her, his arms pulling her back against his chest. His fingers sliding under the t-shirt that she wore to bed, playing with her the top of her pyjama pants, touching the places that she had been so scared for someone else to touch before. It was incredible to April how his hands had gone from the comforting ones of a friend to the lover's hands that she had always dreamt of.

"Good morning."

"Is it?" April asked. "What if we're wrong, Jackson, going to different schools? What if we're making a huge mistake and this is going to be the end of our relationship and we didn't even give us a chance? What if –"

Jackson kissed her and she swallowed her words, lost in the feel of him.

"I'm serious," April protested when he released her.

"I know. I just thought I'd let your panic run out. Listen, we're going to make it through this, get our residences in the same hospital, and we will have happily ever after."

"Promise?"

"Yeah. We'll both be successful and happy and we'll have a bundle of kids."

April started to smile but then hesitated, "Do you want a bundle?"

"I want kids," Jackson said. "I want more than one. But, we have a lot of time to talk about that."

"I know we'll be seeing each other soon but I just feel as though time is running out."

"I love you. You need to trust in that."

"I _do_ ," April promised, just as she had on the day that she had married him. Just as she would until the day that she died.

"So, you have to get ready. Joe and Karen will be here before you know it."

But, not yet. Not for at least another hour. And she was supposed to be using it to shower and prepare her last minute things. Instead, April curled herself around Jackson, memorizing every movement of his hands, his mouth, the way that the heat rolled from his body. She could hear his voice through the phone, see his face over the webcam, but she could not experience the way that the bristles of his hair felt under her palms, the way his fingers tickled the inside of her thigh, and the way that she felt, when they were warm and sweaty against one another, their noses touching.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Then, April had to get up and get ready for the airport.

 _I'll be there for the highs_

 _I'll be there through the lows_

 _I'm staying by your side_

 _No way I'm letting go_

Jackson didn't like New York. Specifically, he did not like the city. He liked the school well enough – it was everything that he had wanted out of medical school. Smart classmates, rigorous professors, and enough work to make his brain melt. It was hard work and it was impossible to get through without April and her cue cards.

It was impossible to get through without her, at all. He shared an apartment with a man named Darren who didn't seem to care one bit about whether Jackson was home or gone, busy or not, or dead or alive. It was hard to be in a single bed when he had the memory of his wife in their warm double bed in their sleepy home town.

The longest time that Jackson had ever been away from April after meeting her was nineteen days. His mother had been invited to a European conference and she had taken him and decided to do a tour around several different countries. It had been fun but he had thought that he'd missed her then, when he was sixteen. Now, Jackson missed her with a ferocity that he hadn't thought possible. He could feel the weight of her in his arms right before he woke up and all he wanted to do was have her with him, so that they could do all of the cute, touristy things that he was too busy to do alone and that he had no desire to do alone.

He knew that he'd definitely like New York more if April was with him but he knew that she was enjoying Northwestern and doing a lot more learning than he was.

 _I'm talking 'bout the highs_

 _I'm talking 'bout the lows_

 _I'm sticking by your side_

 _No way I'm letting go_

April had never been so miserable than at Northwestern, not even when she had been picked on by every girl in her class for her ugliness and awkwardness, not even when she had known that she could never have a crush on a boy because it would only end in ridicule from the student body and from her sisters. She had thought that she would find her people here – serious students, people who liked to talk about sciences, nerds who knew what it was like to work overtime and reveled in it. And maybe they were out there and she would find them. But, right now, she was counting down the five days until she got to go home for Thanksgiving. She would get to see her pigs and feed her chickens and look out over the fields, smelling her mother's cooking while she and Libby argued over stuffing seasonings as they always did.

And she would have Jackson back.

She would get to look straight into his eyes and feel the connection that she always had. She would get to know that she was understood by one person in the entire world and it was the most important person in the world. For the few days of Thanksgiving, she could pretend that she'd never have to come back to Northwestern or, that if she did, it would be better than she remembered it. But she knew that she couldn't tell Jackson any of it because he would want to protect her from it and April knew that there was nothing she could do. She was committed to seeing this thing through and it was only a handful of years. Then, she and Jackson would decide where to do their residencies and they would buy a little house and have their bundle of babies.

If only she survived the next four years.

Not cheered by the thought, April picked up her phone and dialled her husband.

"Hey, are you busy?" she asked, already feeling better from his 'hey'.

"I've got twenty minutes before my next class. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," April said. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

"I love your voice," Jackson said.

And April was comforted.

 _I'm talking 'bout forever, baby_

 _I'm giving you forever, baby, it's yours_

 _I'm talking 'bout the highs_

 _I'm talking 'bout the lows_

 **Does anyone remember if they actually said where Jackson and April went to medical school? Because I don't remember if the show ever said and Google didn't help me. I had to move Jackson to NYU for reasons (and since I'm planning to continue this fic, those reasons will become clear but you can probably guess) but if anyone knows about April, I'll adjust the fic accordingly.**

 **I don't know when the next update will come, I'm kind of working on this in the background and I want to keep up the format, so I need to hunt out songs – if you have any suggestions, just let me know! Otherwise, just know that this story is still on my mind.**

 **~TLL~**


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